This was originally the blog of a first-time Mum to remember the ups and downs of my pregnancy - and chart the first year of my daughter's life. But I've kept it going, and am now a mother of two! More than anything, it helps me to get to sleep once I've emptied my brain of issues and concerns and emotions onto the laptop.
If you're reading this and also a mum- or dad-to-be, first time parent, or just someone who's thinking about it - I hope it gives a little insight into one person's experiences - good and bad....

Thursday, 17 March 2011


Spent the weekend at my parents' - and it's frankly left me feeling quite odd... pressured, not excited enough and all "baby-ed out".
I haven't seen my Dad since we told them the good news, so he's had two months of excitement and talking about all aspects of pregnancy and babies stored up and ready to chat to me about. He's more than excited and enthusiastic (it's their first grandchild) - which is lovely, but a bit overwhelming, especially when he referred to my baby as 'his baby' a couple of times. I know he and Mum mean well - being very generous with what they're offering to buy etc - but I feel their excitement is almost zapping my own.

I did say to them "Look - I'd like to buy my baby some of its stuff too, you know", and Mum just said "Oh, there'll be plenty left for you to buy", which I'm sure there will, but I'm just finding it hard to involve everyone in this pregnancy. I guess I'm getting a bit insular about it all  - a big part of me just wants to hide away with DP and deal with everything ourselves at our pace.

I was even uncomfortable chatting to the shop assistant in the baby shop we popped into - of course she's going to ask me things like when I'm due... it's her job! And at work - I like that it's my sanctuary away from baby talk, but even that's slipping away as there's something of a baby boom in our office at the moment with pregnancies and new Dads talking babies a lot of the time.

I know all the above is unrealistic, unfair and irrational - so I'm just going to blame it on hormones for now. I know my Mum and Dad - and DP's Mum - have only our best interests at heart and want to help us as much as they can for all the right reasons, and we will need their help - but in my head it's putting expectations and unwanted pressure on me.

I guess I just have to strike the right balance of involving them and embracing their excitement - while keeping some for just DP and myself. When it's just the two (and a half) of us, then I am excited and positive and happy to talk baby stuff - just not so comfortable sharing it all with everyone else.

We're back down at my parents this weekend - but this time with DP in tow - so I'm going to try and be a lot more positive, engaged and excited WITH them all about their first grandchild, and not save it all for my treasured private time with DP.I'malso not quite ready to start buying stuff yet - although we've spent much of this week trying to sort out the flata bit to make more room - and we've had a bit of a play and been researching prams and car seats. There'sstill that nagging doubt in the back of mind that when we start forking out on the big items something can stillgo wrong - at any stage.

The Little Monkey's movements have continued more and more regularly over the past couple of weeks though, which is really encouraging. I'm very much hoping the suggestion that the baby's sleep/wake patterns in the womb often mirror what happens once it's born is true - because, so far, the LIttle Monkey appears to only be awake when I am and sleeps when I sleep! It's especially active after food, and as soon as I've woken up, and just resting before bed. And he/she's definitely discovered his/her arms - definitely getting punches (although I guess they might be kicks) in my right-hand ribs! Love it.

Oh, and my pregnancy rhinitis continues. I think it's improving a very tiny bit each day - but that could just me getting used to it. I fully expect to have the excessive mucus for the rest of my pregnancy - the joys...! 

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