ONE YEAR OLD

My little girl is one.

And to everyone that's said to me "Gosh, hasn't that gone quickly?". No, not really! There are times when I do think some of the months have sped by, but on the whole it does feel like a full year... at least!

Unfortunately Charlotte was really poorly for her birthday. She was up all the night before, and on the actual day, when she wasn't crying with a raging temperature and clearly in pain, she was cuddled into one family member or another just wanting to sleep. It was frankly heartbreaking.

We had a big BBQ with both sets of family (even my brother who came over from Australia and met his niece for the first time) and friends, and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. But I could only concentrate on Charlotte and making sure she was comfortable. Thankfully my parents are always the hosts-with-the-most and took over sorting the food and drinks.

Took Charlotte to the doctors and it seems she'd had a virus, and has a chest infection for which she has anti-biotics. She's sowly getting better, but has been up every night for at least an hour crying and crying until her next dose of Nurofen kicks in - or she's too tired to fight her sleep anymore.

Sadly, we didn't get any good pictures from her first birthday, but here are a couple form when she wasn't too poorly:

having just moved into a new house, I think we're going to have to move into an even bigger one to accommodate all Charlotte's birthday presents!

BRONCHIOLITIS

Not how we'd planned to celebrate my first Mother's Day. Charlotte's had yet another nasty cough and cold for the past couple of days, but Saturday night and Sunday morning were pretty horrendous with her really not being herself at all, and her chest was getting more and more rattly and wheezy.

So we took her to the out-of-hours doctor who told us she has Bronchiolitis and that he wanted her to go to hospital for observation. But when he rang them - based on the fact she was still eating just over half of what she'd usually eat -  they didn't want her admitted until she got worse.

Part of me was relieved not to have to see my little girl in hospital, but part of me thought that if the GP thought it was serious enough for her to be checked out there then maybe it was the best place for her. However, after a nice sleep in the car, she perked up enough in the afternoon for me to have a long relaxing bath while her Dad looked after her AND cooked us dinner, so I got my Mother's Day treats in the end :)

with her newly trimmed fringe which makes her look a bit like a boy!

Charlotte slept much better last night, thanks in part to a humidifier, and there doesn't seem much wrong with her appetite either. So she certainly looks to be on the mend, and is in very happy spirits today - albeit still with a rattly chest and cough, but hopefully that will clear soon enough.

FEELING HELPLESS

Our Little Monkey's poorly. She's got horrible eczema, coupled with crippling constipation. She's not the happy little girl we know at the moment - lots of tears, loss of appetite and sleepless nights.

I know both conditions are very common in babies - especially when you start weaning. But it doesn't make it any easier when I see her so unhappy. The doctor's prescribed her antibiotics for the infected bits of her eczema. But when we gave her one dose today she projectile vomited all her milk and the extra water we're trying to give her to ease her bowels.

Last night she woke pretty much every hour, crying - presumably in pain, because her tummy's hurting. I don't think it's the eczema, because I've not seen her scratching very much. I'm expecting a similar night tonight as she was equally screamy when I put her down, and she's been up three times in the past hour and a half.

Poor little munchkin. I know we're doing everything we can to help her. She's got a hyrdocortisone cream for her spreading eczema, and we're giving her water and pureed fruit to help her constipation. And I know both things will pass. I just feel so helpless when I can't stop her from crying.

It also means I've had to cancel a few of the growing social engagements in Charlotte's busy diary! The doctor recommended she doesn't go to her swimming lesson this week. And as she was so grizzly, uncomfortable and tired we gave Baby Stay and Play at the local Children's Centre a miss today. But if she's any brighter tomorrow I'll try to take her along to Baby Babble for some fun stories and nursery rhymes.

TWO MONTHS OLD

Charlotte is two months old today, and we've just got back from having her first immunisations (or second if you count her BCG on day one). What another absolute farce at the doctors. Despite going over with them at length if there was any problems in her not having her 6 week check-up until she was nearly 10 weeks (after they kept cancelling and not having the available staff), when I got there today I was told she couldn't have her jabs until she'd had her check-up.

After an angry and tearful exchange, they booked me in for both her check up and immunisations for Friday, but I was allowed to see the Health Visitor today. She was weighed - 4.3 kg/ 9.47lb - and sadly she's dropped into a lower percentile. While the HV said she wasn't concerned at this stage (though asked me such stupid questions such as 'do you think you've got enough milk in your breasts? - how should I know???), she does want to weigh Charlotte again next week.

And despite her saying she's not concerned, it still knocked me sideways a bit, because I think she's been feeding really well. But - as both Grandmothers have pointed out to me - when she's awake she's so active, she'll burn off far more energy than many more docile babies. We're back to 'no two babies being the same' again. All I do know, is that after her feeds she is almost always content. 90% of the time we seem to have a very happy, playful baby. Certainly not one that is underfed and constantly crying for food (though the increased chewing on her hands has caused me some concern, but she does that even after a really good feed as she's clearly discovering her hands and fingers).

When I came out from that check-up, a little upset, the receptionist told me there'd been a cancellation, so the Doctor could do her 6 week check up (at nearly 9 weeks!) then and there, and therefore she could have her jabs. Check-up was mostly fine, but we've been referred to a specialist as the GP picked up a heart murmur. He said it was more than likely benign, and pretty common, and nothing really to worry about. But you can't help but do with a tiny, helpless baby when you're told her heart needs attention.

And then came her jabs. At first she screamed no more than we hear most days when she's overtired, but about 30 seconds later she let out an almighty howl - louder than I've ever heard. It was the perfect storm of the needles, being tired and hungry. I just tried to comfort her as best I could.

We're back home now after the best part of two weeks at both sets of grandparents. And I must say it feels a bit daunting all over again without their support for the coming weeks. But Charlotte is definitely still making progress. I think we've just about nailed getting her an hour's sleep in the mid morning - usually around 9am - without too much of a fuss. Now we're trying to crack a longer sleep around lunchtime. The past six days though, that's been easy because we've had long car journeys that have fitted in, and she's slept right through most of them. Just need to transfer that sleep to the Moses basket now.

Talking of sleep, as expected, her seven hour stretches at night from the past few nights didn't continue. She was up as usual at around midnight and 4am for feeds. Only what I expected to be honest, and it really isn't a problem. Not sure what she'll do tonight after her jabs.

Driving back down yesterday - with two months under our belts - I got to thinking about what advice I'd give to one my closest friends who's expecting her first baby in December. Here's what I think I'd tell her to expect:

• You will read books and internet forums searching for advice - but take all of that with a pinch of salt and really try not to. A lot will scare you. The best people you can go to, for the best advice and reassurance, are your friends who've been through it all so recently.
• You will live your life by the clock - checking how long since your baby last fed, had a sleep, has been asleep, needs waking for a feed.
• Just as you think you've got the hang of something, i.e. breastfeeding, your confidence will be knocked when your baby throws you a curve-ball by doing something different (eg sleeping for longer/shorter, feeding for longer/shorter) and so you start to question everything all over again.
• You will get conflicting and confusing advice from all the health professionals - and they'll make you feel guilty about everything: feeding, weight gain, sleep - yet qualify it with every baby is different. Try to follow your gut instinct, even when you feel you have none.
• The overwhelming love and bond may not be there instantly. It's taking me weeks to get there, slowly.
• And the one thing that EVERYONE says, that is ABSOLUTELY TRUE, but which seems impossible during that first month, is that it DOES get easier. Your baby will become more manageable once you get to recognise their needs more and more, and once they start learning what to expect throughout each day.

DOCTOR WHEN?

Yet again we're having issues with the NHS. After previously documented examples during my pregnancy, delivery and since, we're now struggling to get Charlotte her 6 week check-up with a GP.

She's 8 weeks tomorrow and the appointment we had for her yesterday got cancalled because doctors at our surgery are on holiday or being called away. The soonest they can now fit her in is in another 2 weeks time, by which time she'll be almost 10 weeks old. No one seems especially bothered by this - despite it being drummed into us by the health visitors and various literature given to us how important it is.

Thankfully I don't have any real health concerns surroundibg Charlotte. But if there is anything that the GP picks up I'll be incredibly angry about the month delay in getting her an appointment - providing this one isn't also cancelled.

And I hope it's a bit more thorough than my own 6 week post-natal check-up. Aside from checking my blood pressure., the locum I saw just asked me if I felt OK and how my moods were. She didn't check my stitches had healed properly, no mention that I need a smear test, and just the slight mention that I should be considering contraception again. It really did feel like another pointless box ticking exercise where I wasn't really checked at all.