This was originally the blog of a first-time Mum to remember the ups and downs of my pregnancy - and chart the first year of my daughter's life. But I've kept it going, and am now a mother of two! More than anything, it helps me to get to sleep once I've emptied my brain of issues and concerns and emotions onto the laptop.
If you're reading this and also a mum- or dad-to-be, first time parent, or just someone who's thinking about it - I hope it gives a little insight into one person's experiences - good and bad....

Thursday, 17 March 2011


(please note - the first five posts are back-dated from another fourm)

I've waited until 22 weeks to start keeping a diary - something I've wanted to do for a long while - having sadly last year had two m/cs.
But now, I'm happy to say, everything *seems* to be on track - and I'm trying to stay very positive that this is now my time.

FIRST THREE MONTHS: Oh My God - they seemed to last FOREVER. I just knew before I'd even taken a test that I was pg, and it was only a month after our second m/c. So we spent week after week trying to both stay positive, but also not to get our hopes up too much in case it ended badly again. Although at least this time we knew that I could start having tests on the NHS as to why I might not be having a successful pregnancy if it did go wrong a third time.

We were very grateful to be able to have a 'reassurance' scan at seven weeks - and although there was only a little bean-shape, there was most definitely a heartbeat, which we so so pleased about. The next three weeks - to get past the 10 weeks where I'd previously lost one - was the slowest ever, and a tricky time to keep it all secret as we had various unavoidable social events to go to (and I'm usually a big drinker) - but managed to get through that with no one the wiser.

Had a period of about five or six weeks where I was absolutely whacked with tiredness, and off my food with nausea - mostly in the late afternoons and early evening. But not nearly so bad as many people I know - for which I was also very grateful. I generally managed to eat something, and keep it down - but normally I LOVE my food, so it was odd not to have much of an appetite. It's not fully back yet, but sure it will be in time.

By the time I got to my 12 week scan - despite seeing our 'little prawn' at 7 weeks - I had convinced myself there was nothing there, or it had already died. Was so, so relieved that all seemed fine - in fact we were almost a week further along than we thought I was.

So now it was time to finally go public. We had told very very few friends about our previous losses - and certainly not family. So no one really knew we were even trying. As it was a couple of weeks before Christmas, we went to see my parents on the pretence of a pre-Xmas drinks among friends in my hometown. When we gave them a Xmas card with a copy of the scan picture in there was a long pause - a look of confusion from my Dad (not entirely sure he knew what he was looking at), and then a big "WHAT?" from my Mum. They were - once they realised what we were telling them - absolutely thrilled and over the moon. This is their first grandchild, and I don't think they ever thought it would happen - from me or my brother, So the evening progressed with lots of questions, trying out different names, and general excitement, advice and pampering.
Mum was upset that I felt I couldn't tell her about the m/cs when they happened - but I reassured her that DP had been so amazing, it really wasn't necessary and we coped the best way for us. Besides, we wanted to try to give them good news first.

My 'sort-of-in-laws' knew we must have had some sort of news, because we were spending Xmas with them and then suddenly turned up a couple of weeks before hand, which isn't like us. Again - it's their first grandchild (and also weren't sure it was ever going to happen, from us or DP's sister) - so they're also totally thrilled. It also made Xmas with them a little easier, as I didn't have to make up any more long-winded excuses as to why I wasn't drinking.
Sadly, a day after we'd seen them, they got some very unexpected and sad news of a death in the family. On the plus side - our good news has given them a glimmer of something to look forward to in the coming year...

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