AN OPEN LETTER TO GRANDPARENTS

Dear Grandparents (specifically my children's maternal grandparents),

Thank You for all your help and for telling me I'm doing a good job with my beautiful children - I need to hear that occasionally - but please don't criticise and question my parenting the second my back is turned (especially as you don't do 'quiet' very well).

 

Just because there are things we do differently, or have new tools to help bring up our children, doesn't make it wrong. Just different. And sometimes actually better.

 

When I think my child is tired it's because I do actually know them better than anyone else. When I get frustrated at how little my daughter is eating, or over what it is that she's eating, it's because I really care about her well-being. And giving her chocolate half an hour before her tea really doesn't help.

I know how easy it is for us to look back already at certain stages with rose-tinted glasses, so I can imagine they must be even rosier 30-plus years on, but surely you must remember some of the boundaries you set for me and my brother; the discipline and some form of routine that you seem happy to forget when it comes to certain aspects of your grandchildren.

Oh, and while Charlotte and James are very similar to me and my brother - they are NOT us. They are completely unique little people that shouldn't be constantly compared.
 

I love how much my almost 2-year old daughter loves her Grandparents so much - all five of them - but the more I hear you bitching about how I'm certain aspects of how I'm raising her and her brother the second I leave the room, the less inclined I am to have them spend lots of time with you, because it's an added stress I could do without.

 

Please continue to love and cherish your only grandchildren - but please let me get on with being their parent without feeling I'm constantly being judged, criticised and questioned.

 

Thank You.

EASTER WITH THE GRANDPARENTS

It was my birthday last weekend, and the long Easter weekend, so we went to my parent's who live more than 250 miles away from us, and haven't seen Charlotte for a good five weeks.

She was an angel - slept well, played well, tried out a few steps while being supported (she wants to be stood up all the time now)...

... and delighted in her new words (bubble, balloon, ball). And despite being my birthday, she got nearly as many presents as I did, because people wanted to buy her something for Easter but realise she's too young for chocolate! So she got a load more toys instead.

Obviously her grandparents dote on her massively, and their enthusiasm and positivity towards absolutely everything Charlotte does is unending. By the end of four days, though, it made me feel a bit like we don't show our delight and enthusiasm enough - but it's impossible to be like that if you're with her 100% of the time, every single day - there are more practical and stressful things to occupy your mind, like getting her to take a daytime nap, or making sure you're feeding her enough of the right stuff - and things like taking her for a walk lose their novelty after doing it every day, twice a day, in the early months.

So what started off as "you're doing such a great job with her" - by the end of the week there were more 'digs' and suggestions as to what we maybe 'should' be doing. Grandparents are great - don't get me wrong - but four days at a time is about the limit I think!

STANDING ROOM ONLY

Still reeeling from the horribly sad news of my pervious post, but just a few minutes with my incredible daughter guarantees to put a smile on my face.

Her grandparents came up to visit this weekend and hadn't seen her for five weeks, and it's then that we realise quite how much Charlotte is developing and coming along. Since they last saw her she will clap her hands when we say "clap, clap, clap"; she has a tooth (although it doesn't seem to have got any bigger in the past two weeks); and she's more interested in standing than sitting these days:

It suddenly occurred to us how strong her legs were when we were holding her up on our laps, so my OH decided to see how she got on holding onto furniture and things. Turns out she's really good at standing upright with very little support.

This makes us think that the chances are she'll be one of those babies that goes straight to walking and skips the crawling part - she hasn't shown any interest in crawling for about 2 months now and is happy just to roll and stretch to whatever toy (or remote control!) she's trying to get.

As one of my friends put it - where's Baby Charlotte gone? She's virtually a toddler now, albeit without the actual toddling... yet.

FIRST HOLIDAY, FIRST TANTRUMS

I can't believe I haven't blogged for almost a month - we've been really busy, and have just come back from Charlotte's first holiday.

We went to Cyprus so she could meet most of my side of the family. She was an angel for the flight there and back - only grizzling when she was ready for a nap. Thankfully, a four and half hour flight worked perfectly to feed her on take-off and landing. The flight home was full so there was very little room to rock her to sleep, but I managed.

She was of course on my lap for the flight, but tried out her own seat for size.

Over there she revelled in all the attention from the family. And most days I really felt like I was getting a proper break as we were staying with my parents who were always willing to help out.

It got rather trickier towards the end of the week though as Charlotte appears to be developing separation anxiety, and we had several massive screaming tantrums with full on tears - particularly at bedtime when she wouldn't let anyone but me feed her. She would almost immediately calm down if I held her, or even came close - much to the understandable upset at first of my OH. I think her Grandma was a bit put out too, as she's usually very good at calming down babies. Hoping this is just a short phase as it's already getting really rather wearing on me, and I find it very difficult to let her cry and cry.

We were also sleeping in the same room as her which meant we never got a decent night's sleep. On top of her usual noises, she was up twice each night and difficult to get back to sleep - possibly because she realised we were in the room with her. The four nights of her properly sleeping through last month seem an awful long time ago and must have been a blip!

However, on the plus side, the holiday also saw a number of big developments. Charlotte's definitely found her feet and can spend ages playing with them - even managing to get one in her mouth! She's sitting with the bare minimum of support, and most excitingly I guess, rolled from her back to her front (and back again), which she's managed a couple of times since we've been back too.

Having her first paddle in the Med

Another significant milestone is that I have finally given up breastfeeding entirely. I feel very sad and emotional about the decision, and there will be a separate blog on this to follow.

But on the whole the holiday was a success, and Charlotte certainly stole the hearts of all the family over there who can't wait to see her again.

MOTHER KNOWS BEST

I'm starting to understand the truth behind that phrase - Mother knows best. I really am starting to know a little more about what our little girl wants. Most of the time it's the sleep she still continues to fight in the day.

The trouble comes when other people - mostly grandparents and other family members, on both sides - make me question it all. When I can see she's on the cusp of needing sleep, they want to carry on playing, when I know she's grizzling because she's not had enough sleep they tell me she's hungry or - both grandmas favourite - it's her tummy/wind. And because they've all been there before I do listen to them.

But then I'm proved right when we get into the overtired vicious circle. Yet I'm still made to feel like I'm obsessing over her getting enough sleep. But it is really important.

On a brighter note - and an example of the effect a good sleep can have - Charlotte was an unbelievable angel at her second Welcome to the World BBQ. This time it was for her Northern family and friends. We'd made sure she had a good hour and a half's sleep at lunchtime. And for the rest of the afternoon we had smiles, happy noises, another kip, good feeds and not a whimper.

with Great-Grandma

Even her bath and pre-bed massage were perfect. As I'm writing this I have just put her down to sleep. Unfortunately the party is still very noisily going on, and Charlotte's wide awake, so we'll see how long it takes her to nod off...

edit: Ok, so she settled herself to sleep beautifully within 20 minutes, despite the cocophony of noise... and then slept for a personal best SEVEN hours before waking for a feed. I was obviously awake several times before that worrying why she hadn't woken as usual. Let's hope this isn't a one off, and she continues to be an angel child.

edit2: but then it took more than an hour to get her back to sleep:(

PARTY GIRL

We're in the middle of a bit of a holiday, split between both sets of Grandparents. The first half coincided with one Grandad's birthday, so we decided to through a 'Welcome to the World, Charlotte' party at the same time. It was just a BBQ on a  lovely Sunday afternoon with a couple of dozen of my friends, their kids and a few of my Mum and Dad's friends.

It all went very well - though the over-stimulation from being passed from person to person, lack of daytime sleep and very hot temperatures equaled a pretty rough night. Charlotte wouldn't sleep for any more than 2 hours at a time, and I fed her each time she woke - which meant about four feeds in the night, more than she'd get in the day. I won't be doing that again in a hurry if I can help it, and have taken on board several suggestions of trying cooled boiled water when it's especially hot (despite advice to the contrary from various health visitors).

It is very lovely being down at my parents' where there are twice as many hands on deck to help out. Plus a lovely big house and garden to calm Charlotte down in. And in still trying to get her to sleep properly in the day, she's taken quite well to sleeping in the pram or car seat in the outdoors...

catching flies in the garden

... there are a couple of downsides though. As her maternal grandparents dote on her so much, I've become something of just the 'milk bar'. All I seem to do is feed her, then one of them will want to play, or have a cuddle, or take her for a walk. I barely see her other than attached to my breast or when the hard work to get her to sleep starts. At one point, my Mum passed Charlotte over to me and said "here's your 'other' Mummy" - to which I didn't quite know what to reply I was so taken aback.

I do get the impression from them sometimes that I'm not doing it 'right' - whatever that is. When me and C's Dad use tools like White Noise to calm her down, or question using cooled boiled water to quench her thirst - and various other differences that creep in over a 34 year span of 'new rules' and ways of doing things - I get the odd look or slightly disapproving comment. All I can say is that I am doing what I think is best. There is no right or wrong, but it does upset me at times.

They always see the best bits of Charlotte. The beauty of being a Grandparent is it comes without quite so much stress and anxiety of being a first-time parent. If they think back 34 years, I'm sure they might just remember that it wasn't all smiles, gurgles and happy playtimes for them when I came into the world. They were coupled with concern, tough nights, trying anything to calm me down and stop me crying. But decades on all that gets forgotten, and - happily - replaced with just the fun, fond memories.

I guess what upsets me most is that I'm still bonding with Charlotte. I'll readily admit I'm not fully there yet. I don't yet feel the overwhelming, unconditional love - that's not to say I don't love her. But her Grandad and Grandma are there - in spades. I wish I was. I'll get there.

HOLY MOSES!

I think it's telling that I've not felt the need to blog a new post in the past week (and not really had the time). I've not had to empty my brain of all the worry and anxiety nearly so much. Things are definitely heading in the right direction.

Last Tuesday I went to a breastfeeding 'cafe' at the local SureStart Centre - partly to get a bit advice to make sure I was still feeding Charlotte correctly, but also to try to meet a few new Mums. Chatted to a few women, but didn't really 'click' with anyone. Good tips on feeding in the searing heat - she was much less fussy when I stripped her naked, and feeding her more often to quench her thirst is also something I'll make sure I do.

Most importantly though, they weighed her. And she'd put on more than 200g in a week, which is excellent. I think part of my concerns over whether I'm doing OK with the breastfeeding was because my confidence was completely knocked by the previous week's tiny weight gain. Really, really pleased she's putting on weight.

She may have shed a few grammes on Thursday and Friday though, the amount she pooed! Since she was about three weeks old Charlotte's always had a 'bowel movement' every other day, which we were told was fine. But this week she had 4 or 5 A DAY. No idea why - maybe something I'd eaten - but she seemed perfectly happy.

If she doesn't have another one for a few days, we have a sure fire way of making sure she does have one - the poo chair. Without fail, if we put her in her swing chair or bouncer, and she hasn't pooed for more than a day, she always has one!

The last few days, she really has been good as gold. We were down at my parents for three days - I think she thrives off their attention, and me being more relaxed. We had a wonderful lunch out at a pub, got her passport photo taken, had a lovely afternoon with a crowd of my friends and their children, and plenty of gorgeous smiles and good playtimes - all despite a couple of disturbed night's sleep.

And today I've really seen several beams of light at the end of the tunnel. Charlotte managed an hour's sleep in her Moses basket for one of her morning naps, and a further half an hour in the afternoon. Still had to take her for a long walk in her pram at lunchtime when she was having none of it, but she stayed asleep in it once we got home for another half hour.

She also had a very enjoyable bath, and less than half an hour after putting her down to sleep (having read her half of The Tale of Jemima Puddleduck!) she'd settled herself straight to sleep without so much as a whimper.

Dream child - let's hope it continues and we can make further headway with her daytime sleeps.

GRANDPARENTS TO THE RESCUE - AGAIN

Another day, another quick escape down to my parents. Not because Charlotte was being any more difficult than usual - yes, she was still screaming every time I tried to put her down for a nap - but because of the constant pneumatic drill in our street. A screaming baby on her own I am just about managaing to cope with, but not with all the other noise cooped up in our small flat.

The car journey was a little tricky with me having to hold off her screams while also driving, but as soon as we arrived she was typically a little angel. She was making a number of noises I'd never heard before, and we're even convinced we saw something of a real smile - and not just wind!

But equally typically I also missed the tired window once again and it took a little effort to calm her down from her overtired state. And trying to get her to go down in the crib was a complete nightmare. We tried for three hours - in hindsight that was far too long and got me as worked up and distressed as it did Charlotte, and should have given in to her falling asleep on one of us after about an hour.

When she did eventually settle and go down - albeit already in a deep sleep rather than self-settling - she slept without waking for five hours. But it was seven hours since her last feed which left me with the dilemma of wake her or leave her. As she clearly needed her sleep, I let her sleep until she was definitely starting to wake up at 4.15. She'd made plenty of cough-like sounds through the night, but kept dropping herself straight back to sleep. So sleep was obviously her priority over food.

Through today I'm feeding her a bit more frequently - every three hours, maybe even more frequently as we head towards bedtime - so I don't fret so much over letting her sleep for longer periods at night without a feed. Perhaps that might also help in our endeavour to "set" her body clock to night and day, which in turn might help deal with the daytime sleep/naps issue. But as I keep saying - one thing at a time, and she's only 4 weeks old.

DE-CAMPED TO THE GRANDPARENTS

It all got too much over the weekend, and Charlotte pushed us to breaking point with her ear-splitting screams, constant need for the breast and nothing seemingly calming her down. So we called my parents to pick us up and go to theirs for a few days for moral and practical support.

It got to the point where I couldn't stop crying and ended up physically sick, as nothing I could do could help my baby daughter. Myself and my OH both confided in each other
dark, hateful thoughts. I'm pleased to say they've subsided since de-camping to her very loving grandparents.

I do feel a bit of a failure for having to turn to other people for help. I feel I shoukd be able to cope and tackle this enormous challenge head on with just me and OH. But I have to admit it's helping being able to hand Charlotte over for a couple of hours (not that I am yet able to relax enough to catch up on lost sleep). It's also helping that I'm able eat proper meals and regain some of my energy and confidence by being here. And I've been able to catch up with some of my closest friends - all of who have kids - and share experiences, tips and anxieties with them.

We also called our health visitor (a different one to the first), who has been utterly amazing. She diagnosed severe colic and showed us various techniques to wind Charlotte and recommended Infacol. There certainly seems to have been some improvement - though she's still having her early evening tantrum preriod where she cluster feeds, won't settle and cries a lot. But at least we know there's a reason for it and we're expanding our repertoire of ways to deal with her

When my OH got back from work earlier, it was so nice to hear him say, "I've got my gorgeous daughter back".

I'm still very anxious that we tackle the big sleeping issue. Driving down to my parents Charlotte proved she CAN sleep on her own - managing 1 and a half hours in the car and remaining asleep for a further 45 minutes in her car seat at the house. She's also managed 1 hour 30 on a firm sofa - unde the very watchful eye of her grandparents - but still no joy with the crib.

So I'm still on the nightshift; vety mindful that now OH is back at work he needs plenty of sleep. While I can see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel as far as colic and feeding is concerned - it's a very long, dark stretch of nights I can see ahead of me as we try to get Charlotte to sleep away from us and in her own cot/basket.

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (WEEKS 30 & 31)

I've had a couple of really quiet days movement-wise which has really freaked me out. Got quite wound up yesterday, but as soon as I got home to DP (who'd been abroad for a few days with work), the Little Monster seemed to spring into action. Perhaps he/she was just missing Daddy's voice! Anyway - today's been a bit more active, and I have read that as there's less room in there I'm likely to feel fewer kicks. I just find it so un-nerving.

I've read articles, blogs and forums on a number of different websites, but I've found the Pampers one especially good for what to expect week to week, tips etc. A lot of the 'chat' on the likes of Mumsnet and iVillage can make me paranoid and worry about things for no reason. As every pregnancy and baby is totally different, it's not healthy to read so many scary stories, so I'm trying not to do it so much. Although it is nice to read the heart-warming stories of which there are lots, and find people with the same concerns/experiences as you.

Before the last few days we'd had a couple of really productive weeks. My 30 week ante-natal check-up and first Anti-D injection went really well. Had the best experience we've had so far at the hospital - no lengthy waiting time, really friendly and helpful midwife (third different one, mind), and everything seems well on track. The sun was shining, and I even got a rare parking space right outside work - it was a good day!!

The next day was my 34th birthday - and as a present I got a 'nipple-ectomy'! I may have mentioned before about a skin flap on my left nipple that has grown since my breasts have got bigger during my pregnancy. I was already concerned how that would affect my attempt at breastfeeding, but in the couple of days before my appointment at the breast clinic it started bleeding and looking a bit grim. Anyway - after a thorough examination of both breasts, the doctor simply sliced it off there and then, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Two days later when the dressing came off, I couldn't even see where it had once been - incredible!

One of my best presents - from DP - was a picture we'd seen in a little cafe when we were on our holiday in Scotland back in February. We both thought it would be perfect for the nursery,  though at the time we weren't really planning on a 'proper' nursery, and we were still holding back on buying stuff for the Little Monkey. But several weeks on I had thought it would have been really nice - a momento of a special holiday and unique original piece of art for the nursery. So he'd rung up and bought 'Fergus McTed and wee Scotty' from the cafe:

Had a lovely birthday weekend - a good Friday night out with friends, and then on the Saturday the grandparents-to-be (my parents) came up. As if their very generous birthday presents weren't enough - we then blitzed Mothercare. Although DP and me already knew precisely what we wanted - having made several fact-finding and window shopping expeditions - it still felt rather stressful. At one point, we had two shop assistants 'suggesting' what was best, but frankly confusing me even further, and I just had to walk away. Even had a few hormonal tears.

But once we put our collective foot down as to what we wanted, and just dealt with one sales manager, we managed to make quite a lot of headway. We've stuck all the big stuff (nursery furniture, travel system, car seat and base) on their BabyPlan - most of which has very kindly been paid for by both sets of GPs-to-be. We may be borrowing a car seat from my best friend, so that might come off the order. The furniture and pram aren't being delivered until the middle of May, but we did take a moses basket, rocking MB stand and stacks of bedding home with us.

 

So bit by bit we're starting to get there with the nursery and essentials. Still lots of odds and sods (bottles and steriliser, clothes, muslins, bath etc) to get - but I'll need to do some shopping on my maternity leave!

My Mum and Dad were very helpful and generous - and still really, really excited - but I still sometimes feel that over-excitement a bit overwhelming and have to step back from it for a bit. I guess there's a little part of me still worried things can go wrong, and I could end up disappointing a lot of people. I know that's not the most rational of thoughts, and I am excited - but just more privately, inside myself and find it difficult to share fully with anyone other than DP.

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (WEEK 28)

It definitely feels like we're starting on a bit of a countdown now... into the third trimester, so hopefully still 12 weeks to go. Only FIVE weeks until I finish work, which at the moment is one of my main focuses. I know I'll have plenty to keep me occupied after I finish work, plus I will most certainly be taking up all my friends' advice to rest as much as possible in the last few weeks.

Making some headway with clearing out the flat to make room for the Little Monkey. 'New' doors that have been cluttering up the spare room for two and a half years are finally up, and got rid of bits and bobs that were frankly just collecting dust and more clutter. Won't be buying and putting up the baby's furniture for at least another month, but at least there's starting to be a bit of room for it to go.

Was up at DP's parents last weekend. All was fine - no pressure from them at all. Think they were just pleased to see me looking well and finally looking 'properly' pg. I think DP's Mum really wanted to feel the bump - but she didn't ask, and - more importantly - she didn't just kop a feel. I would have let her if she asked - and I hope she didn't feel she couldn't, because I know it's important to keep her as involved as my own Mum (not that she's touched the bump either - I think they might both know me well enough!).

DP's gran also treated me to seeing some phots of DP when he was a baby/toddler. If he/she takes after his/her Dad - we're in for a big, chubby, curly-haired budda! But that's absolutely fine by me.

I've been thinking that perhaps the enormity of what's about to hit us really hasn't sunk in yet. As far as my body's concerned - Yes, I'm obviously pregnant, but to me much of it just feels like random bodily functions - like my intestines shifting, or a lot of food digesting. That might sound odd - but I'm still not quite equating the kicks, punches and squirms to an ACTUAL BABY!

DP remains as excited and pro-active about the impending arrival as ever - probably more so. That helps me more than anything. He makes me feel like together we can deal with anything. He's definitely assessing his own mortality though - doctors, dentists and opticians for him this week - and, ooops, he's going to finally have to wear glasses. From experience, I know that will provide hours of entertainment for the Little Monkey - taking them off Daddy's face over and over again!

PREGNANCY - MONTH SIX (WEEK 25)

Spent the weekend at my parents' - and it's frankly left me feeling quite odd... pressured, not excited enough and all "baby-ed out".
I haven't seen my Dad since we told them the good news, so he's had two months of excitement and talking about all aspects of pregnancy and babies stored up and ready to chat to me about. He's more than excited and enthusiastic (it's their first grandchild) - which is lovely, but a bit overwhelming, especially when he referred to my baby as 'his baby' a couple of times. I know he and Mum mean well - being very generous with what they're offering to buy etc - but I feel their excitement is almost zapping my own.

I did say to them "Look - I'd like to buy my baby some of its stuff too, you know", and Mum just said "Oh, there'll be plenty left for you to buy", which I'm sure there will, but I'm just finding it hard to involve everyone in this pregnancy. I guess I'm getting a bit insular about it all  - a big part of me just wants to hide away with DP and deal with everything ourselves at our pace.

I was even uncomfortable chatting to the shop assistant in the baby shop we popped into - of course she's going to ask me things like when I'm due... it's her job! And at work - I like that it's my sanctuary away from baby talk, but even that's slipping away as there's something of a baby boom in our office at the moment with pregnancies and new Dads talking babies a lot of the time.

I know all the above is unrealistic, unfair and irrational - so I'm just going to blame it on hormones for now. I know my Mum and Dad - and DP's Mum - have only our best interests at heart and want to help us as much as they can for all the right reasons, and we will need their help - but in my head it's putting expectations and unwanted pressure on me.

I guess I just have to strike the right balance of involving them and embracing their excitement - while keeping some for just DP and myself. When it's just the two (and a half) of us, then I am excited and positive and happy to talk baby stuff - just not so comfortable sharing it all with everyone else.

We're back down at my parents this weekend - but this time with DP in tow - so I'm going to try and be a lot more positive, engaged and excited WITH them all about their first grandchild, and not save it all for my treasured private time with DP.I'malso not quite ready to start buying stuff yet - although we've spent much of this week trying to sort out the flata bit to make more room - and we've had a bit of a play and been researching prams and car seats. There'sstill that nagging doubt in the back of mind that when we start forking out on the big items something can stillgo wrong - at any stage.

The Little Monkey's movements have continued more and more regularly over the past couple of weeks though, which is really encouraging. I'm very much hoping the suggestion that the baby's sleep/wake patterns in the womb often mirror what happens once it's born is true - because, so far, the LIttle Monkey appears to only be awake when I am and sleeps when I sleep! It's especially active after food, and as soon as I've woken up, and just resting before bed. And he/she's definitely discovered his/her arms - definitely getting punches (although I guess they might be kicks) in my right-hand ribs! Love it.

Oh, and my pregnancy rhinitis continues. I think it's improving a very tiny bit each day - but that could just me getting used to it. I fully expect to have the excessive mucus for the rest of my pregnancy - the joys...! 

PREGNANCY - MONTH FIVE (WEEKS 17-22)

Oh my word - so much mucus! Since the start of January I've had a chesty, phlegm cough. Went to the doctor, but - despite being prescribed a course of antibiotics - it's not a chest infection. A couple of weeks later the nose started - both blocked and streaming with snot! Pleasant... and shows no sign of abating.It got me down last week, but now just resigning myself to having to put up with it for possibly the next four months. After having a relatively easy ride with morning sickness and aches and pains (so far), I guess I should just keep my fingers crossed that this is as bad as it gets. As for all my colleagues who are fed up with my constant coughing and blowing my nose - they should try being me!

20 week scan went fine - the little monster (note: when he/she is being good they're a monkey, but on bad days they're a monster!) was in the wrong position to see everything the sonographer needed at first. So a cup of tea, a bit of jigging around and some pelvic floor exercises later - he/she was moving around almost TOO much! 

Sonographer was pleased enough with all the measurements, organs etc - which was reassuring enough for us. She has asked us to come back at week 32 just to double check my placenta - which is a little low-lying at the moment so far as she could tell.

With that in mind, we also asked her about flying to America - as we're planning a pre-baby, 10 year anniversary break. She said it was best to be on the safe side, and would avoid long-haul flights. So we're off to Aberdeenshire next week instead! Still hugely looking forward to it though.

After researching a bit more into what it means to have a low-lying placenta (which still has plenty of time to move) - it's put my mind at ease a bit on the days I don't feel the little monster move. Last week I went four days without feeling anything, and got really worked up. But he/she's probably just in a position where he/she's kicking into the placenta and softening the sensations.

The little monster can't win though - yesterday I started getting concerned about quite HOW MUCH I was feeling him/her. Worrying he/she hadn't slept at all all day. Back to more 'normal' feeling today though. I've felt him/her a few times - enough to put my mind at rest.

The only other thing that's been bothering me this week is the grandparents. Both sets are sooo over-excited as it's the first for both of them. But, as generous and lovely the constant calls about buying stuff for the baby are ("which pram do we want", "what can we buy" etc) - it's all a bit over-whelming, at a stage when DP and myself aren't yet ready to start buying too much. I'm anxious neither side get too over-bearing, but it's hard to strike that balance between being grateful for their generosity, interest and support - and letting us get on and do things our way.

That said, my Mum took me maternity clothes shopping last weekend - and it was a pretty successful trip. I hate clothes shopping at the best of times, but managed to come away with a few really nice tops, one pair of (too big) jeans, trousers and BIG PANTS! Oh, and jumpers for our trip to Scotland!