15 MONTHS OLD

Blimey - life's just so busy at the moment what with working, raising a 1-year old child and being pregnant with a second I just don't have time to update my blog very often.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, the past month has seen us dealing with yet more eating and sleeping issues. At one point about three weeks ago, Charlotte stopped eating almost completely. She wouldn't even touch her favourites - cheese and fruit. We eventually put it down to a tummy bug as she was a little bit sick, and slowly re-introduced easy purees and pouches of food.

A few days after she started eating something she perked right up and started eating us out of house and home for a couple days. Thankfully with the food 'sign' and her saying "Ooof", we know when she's hungry now which is useful.

Her appetite's levelled off now, and we still have days of struggling to get her to eat an awful lot, but that's more about keeping her attention rather than things she does and doesn't like. One day even the old favourites get pushed away, and only banana and a petit filous will do. One thing we have found that she loves is Tesco's Goodness microwave meals for over-1s. They seem pretty nutritious, and it's nice to have found something that bridges the gap between 'baby food' and 'proper meals'.

The last ten nights Charlotte has also been testing us to the limits with sleep deprivation once again. She's been up at least once a night, usually for at least 2 hours before she'll settle back down. We've tried letting her cry it out, holding her hand, nightlight, teething gel, paracetamol - one night one of those might work, the next night they don't.

But last night, she slept right through with just a couple of murmurs. No idea what will happen from here - whether a couple of nights of tough love letting her cry a bit more have worked, whether it was a one-off good night, or whether she's over this latest phase. Who knows? Guess we'll find out tonight. Really hope it's the latter.

Oh, and she's taken her first steps. That was a pretty big one that I nearly forgot. It's a fairly wobbly half dozen steps or so, but she loves trying to walk between me and her Daddy! "Again" she keeps saying - actually she says that  A LOT - usually for a book we've already read 14 times.

Had our 20 week scan a couple of weeks ago - although was 21+1 weeks. All good - and unlike last time, my placenta's not low-lying. I've had far fewer "skinny days" than I did with Charlotte - I'm feeling Twiglet several times a day, which is so reassuring. We were tempted, but we DIDN'T find out what flavour he/she is - so best start sorting the 'neutral' baby clothes from last time pretty soon! 

PREGNANCY - MONTH 8 (WEEK 32)

The Little Monkey is perfectly average. In a good way. I don't think there's any danger of any child of ours being 'average' once they're out - but for now, I'm happy if all the measurements, positions etc are as average and 'normal' as can be.

Had a precautionary 32 weeks scan to check the position of the placenta, which has moved up so that's good. And the sonographer told us the Little Monkey is - going by the measurements - weighing around 4lb. Given that there are still eight weeks to go, and from now  on it may well put on half a pound a week, it could be a biggun'. Given The Little Monkey's Dad though, that's no great surprise! No picture this time - too big and not in the right position to be especially photogenic.

32 week ante-natal check up at my doctors (with a locum) also went fine. No concerns. So all looking good. And we went to our first ante-natal class together this week. I would say it was definitely useful to be able to ask seemingly 'stupid' questions, and learn a bit more about the actual biology of what will happen through labour and birth. I felt a bit uncomfortable though - everyone was a bit quiet and nervy. There were only four couples there, and I can't really see me making any new Yummy Mummy friends from them. But DP tells me it was "fascinating" and really helpful and useful for him, which makes it really worthwhile for both of us.

Can't believe I only have one week left at work (and a full week at that - no Bank Holidays off for me). One of the things I think I'll miss is the office being a bit of a sanctuary away from constant 'baby stuff'. My pregnancy isn't discussed all that much at work - which is fine by me. Sometimes a bit odd when people are discussing my colleague's impending arrival of twins, and I'm not brought into the conversation, but I get all the attention I need from DP and family - so it doesn't really bother me. And I can quite understand how TWO babies in one go is far more fascinating than a "run-of-the-mill" (to them, certainly not to me) pregnancy.

Still reflecting on how it's all gone so far. Aside from the anxiety and rhinitis that I mentioned last week, the other things that have not really impressed me is my HORRIBLE outie tummy button, and very dark, hairy belly. Hopefully they will both disappear not long after I've had the Little Monkey. 

And if there's one thing I regret, it's that I've not been able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy as much as I'd like. Now that I'm on the home straight, I'm going to really try to enjoy these final weeks - especially once I'm on maternity leave. I'm going to try and see it as a bit of a holiday - before all the hard work really starts...

PREGNANCY - MONTH FIVE (WEEKS 17-22)

Oh my word - so much mucus! Since the start of January I've had a chesty, phlegm cough. Went to the doctor, but - despite being prescribed a course of antibiotics - it's not a chest infection. A couple of weeks later the nose started - both blocked and streaming with snot! Pleasant... and shows no sign of abating.It got me down last week, but now just resigning myself to having to put up with it for possibly the next four months. After having a relatively easy ride with morning sickness and aches and pains (so far), I guess I should just keep my fingers crossed that this is as bad as it gets. As for all my colleagues who are fed up with my constant coughing and blowing my nose - they should try being me!

20 week scan went fine - the little monster (note: when he/she is being good they're a monkey, but on bad days they're a monster!) was in the wrong position to see everything the sonographer needed at first. So a cup of tea, a bit of jigging around and some pelvic floor exercises later - he/she was moving around almost TOO much! 

Sonographer was pleased enough with all the measurements, organs etc - which was reassuring enough for us. She has asked us to come back at week 32 just to double check my placenta - which is a little low-lying at the moment so far as she could tell.

With that in mind, we also asked her about flying to America - as we're planning a pre-baby, 10 year anniversary break. She said it was best to be on the safe side, and would avoid long-haul flights. So we're off to Aberdeenshire next week instead! Still hugely looking forward to it though.

After researching a bit more into what it means to have a low-lying placenta (which still has plenty of time to move) - it's put my mind at ease a bit on the days I don't feel the little monster move. Last week I went four days without feeling anything, and got really worked up. But he/she's probably just in a position where he/she's kicking into the placenta and softening the sensations.

The little monster can't win though - yesterday I started getting concerned about quite HOW MUCH I was feeling him/her. Worrying he/she hadn't slept at all all day. Back to more 'normal' feeling today though. I've felt him/her a few times - enough to put my mind at rest.

The only other thing that's been bothering me this week is the grandparents. Both sets are sooo over-excited as it's the first for both of them. But, as generous and lovely the constant calls about buying stuff for the baby are ("which pram do we want", "what can we buy" etc) - it's all a bit over-whelming, at a stage when DP and myself aren't yet ready to start buying too much. I'm anxious neither side get too over-bearing, but it's hard to strike that balance between being grateful for their generosity, interest and support - and letting us get on and do things our way.

That said, my Mum took me maternity clothes shopping last weekend - and it was a pretty successful trip. I hate clothes shopping at the best of times, but managed to come away with a few really nice tops, one pair of (too big) jeans, trousers and BIG PANTS! Oh, and jumpers for our trip to Scotland!

PREGNANCY - MONTH FOUR

Straight after Christmas (at 16 weeks) we had something of a scare. Just got back from a few days at the in-laws, and my stomach - which had been starting to nicely firm up and get a bit rounder - just suddenly 'shrank'. It was looser, I was easily fitting into my regular clothes, and things just didn't feel right. Even though I had no pain or bleeding, I was concerned enough to call the midwife, who told me to go to A and E. That in itself worried me even more, as it sounded like there was something to be concerned about.
We went straight to A and E, and were referred to the EPU within an hour. After another hour, I was given a scan. The sonographer said everything was fine - happy with the heartbeat, measurements etc, and told us there was nothing to worry about and we could relax. Although he did say he'd never come across anyone with my 'shrinking tummy' complaint before.

So, relieved, we had a nice afternoon out and went out for dinner. I didn't have any mobile phone reception until after dinner, and when it came back I had an answerphone message from a consultant at EPU. He said he'd taken another look at my scan and was concerned about my levels of amniotic fluid... and could I go in for another scan. Our relaxed relief from the earlier scan was instantly replaced by worry and confusion. We immediately went home and researched what low amniotic fluid levels might mean, and were terrified and really anxious by what we found. If I'm honest, I think we'd both written off our little one's chances, and were most definitely struggling to keep positive.

I called work to take the day off, so I could go straight to EPU as early as possible the next day. We were seen pretty swiftly by the consultant and sonographer. They were both happy with what they saw, and said we actually had nothing to worry about.... fluid levels were fine. I think I was actually shocked into a kind of numbness as I had been so prepared to hear bad news. 

So this is what the rollercoaster of emotions is going to be like for the next.... well, forever?! This won't be the last of what I call my 'thin' days - more on that in month five.

I must mention that I've been very impressed with our EPU (I've been there often enough in the last year). Far more so than the main ante-natal clinic. There, they can keep us waiting for up to two hours after our appointment time. Not good with a waiting room full of very large, very hormonal and very tired women! Each time we've been so far, we've both said it feels like we're on a conveyor belt for pregnant women. I'm just hoping it all gets a bit better at the 'business end'.

I've also been battling to get the flu jab. Went to my GP surgery before Christmas, but as I have an egg allergy, they wouldn't give it to me. Was pushed from pillar to post trying to find an alternative, or get it administered at the hospital where they could keep an eye on me. But by the time I got as far as just an appointment with my consulatant it just didn't seem worth it - even my GP said it hardly seemed worth it. So I've given up. I can't be the only person in the area to have an egg allergy that needs the jab. So I'm just going to have to avoid sick people - and take it very easy at the first sign of anything flu-like....

On a happier note, it turns out my closest friend at work is also pg! Except she's expecting TWINS! She's the only one who knows what I went through last year, so she was really nervous about telling me about her good news. But I'm totally thrilled for her, and don't envy her twins one bit. It's really nice to have someone so close to go through pregnancy with - we're even due in the same week, although hers are very likely to come earlier as there's two of them. We've had very uncannily similar symptoms, fears, experiences so far - it's really quite odd.

So everyone at work also knows my news. While they all seem happy for me - there's definitely more interest in my colleague's twins... unsurprisingly. But I'm actually quite pleased to go to work for a bit of a baby-free zone. At home, it's all DP and me talk about - not in a bad way... it's usually excited plans, talking over concerns and worries - but every conversation does end up back at the Little Monkey.

The other good thing is starting to feel him/her a little bit. Around week 17 I wasn't sure if that's what I was feeling or not - but by weeks 18/19 there were definite what I would describe as 'pulses' happening inside me. Not quite the flutters I had read about and been told about - more like tiny, tiny little kicks - and not every day. But enough to know there's something going in there....

THE FIRST TRIMESTER

(please note - the first five posts are back-dated from another fourm)

I've waited until 22 weeks to start keeping a diary - something I've wanted to do for a long while - having sadly last year had two m/cs.
But now, I'm happy to say, everything *seems* to be on track - and I'm trying to stay very positive that this is now my time.

FIRST THREE MONTHS: Oh My God - they seemed to last FOREVER. I just knew before I'd even taken a test that I was pg, and it was only a month after our second m/c. So we spent week after week trying to both stay positive, but also not to get our hopes up too much in case it ended badly again. Although at least this time we knew that I could start having tests on the NHS as to why I might not be having a successful pregnancy if it did go wrong a third time.

We were very grateful to be able to have a 'reassurance' scan at seven weeks - and although there was only a little bean-shape, there was most definitely a heartbeat, which we so so pleased about. The next three weeks - to get past the 10 weeks where I'd previously lost one - was the slowest ever, and a tricky time to keep it all secret as we had various unavoidable social events to go to (and I'm usually a big drinker) - but managed to get through that with no one the wiser.

Had a period of about five or six weeks where I was absolutely whacked with tiredness, and off my food with nausea - mostly in the late afternoons and early evening. But not nearly so bad as many people I know - for which I was also very grateful. I generally managed to eat something, and keep it down - but normally I LOVE my food, so it was odd not to have much of an appetite. It's not fully back yet, but sure it will be in time.

By the time I got to my 12 week scan - despite seeing our 'little prawn' at 7 weeks - I had convinced myself there was nothing there, or it had already died. Was so, so relieved that all seemed fine - in fact we were almost a week further along than we thought I was.


So now it was time to finally go public. We had told very very few friends about our previous losses - and certainly not family. So no one really knew we were even trying. As it was a couple of weeks before Christmas, we went to see my parents on the pretence of a pre-Xmas drinks among friends in my hometown. When we gave them a Xmas card with a copy of the scan picture in there was a long pause - a look of confusion from my Dad (not entirely sure he knew what he was looking at), and then a big "WHAT?" from my Mum. They were - once they realised what we were telling them - absolutely thrilled and over the moon. This is their first grandchild, and I don't think they ever thought it would happen - from me or my brother, So the evening progressed with lots of questions, trying out different names, and general excitement, advice and pampering.
Mum was upset that I felt I couldn't tell her about the m/cs when they happened - but I reassured her that DP had been so amazing, it really wasn't necessary and we coped the best way for us. Besides, we wanted to try to give them good news first.

My 'sort-of-in-laws' knew we must have had some sort of news, because we were spending Xmas with them and then suddenly turned up a couple of weeks before hand, which isn't like us. Again - it's their first grandchild (and also weren't sure it was ever going to happen, from us or DP's sister) - so they're also totally thrilled. It also made Xmas with them a little easier, as I didn't have to make up any more long-winded excuses as to why I wasn't drinking.
Sadly, a day after we'd seen them, they got some very unexpected and sad news of a death in the family. On the plus side - our good news has given them a glimmer of something to look forward to in the coming year...