SLEEP ISSUES: HISTORY REPEATING

I'm kicking myself for worrying about how much James was sleeping - it's now a horrific battle to get him to settle and sleep.

All day he has been on and off the breast as it's been the only thing to calm him - and every time we put him down in his Moses basket he's awake and screaming his head off. We're desperate not to repeat the mistake we made of letting his older sister sleep on us, so persevering. And I'm also holding out on the hope that the past day of such unpredictable feeding and being so hard to settle may be his first of the dreaded growth spurts.

Having said that, he's asleep on me now. I'm desperate for him to get some sleep at least - and if that means one night of tag-teaming him sleeping on us, we may have to bite the bullet just this once (famous last words).

It also means his crying and screaming doesn't keep his sister up - who has been a bit of a nightmare herself this past week. Lots of waking in the night, mostly emotional - needing lots of cuddles. But two nights at her Grandmas seems to have helped, and she's slept much better the past couple of nights.

I'd forgotten quite how draining the unpredictability of a newborn was - the sooner we're into some kind of routine, the better - but that won't be for several more weeks at least, I don't think.

FIRST FEW DAYS (AND NIGHTS)

Oh my Goodness - what a difference having a newborn baby that actually sleeps in their Moses Basket makes! With Charlotte, she would only sleep on us for the first three weeks, which made doing anything virtually impossible. But James will - on most occasions, especially at night - sleep where he's "supposed" to.

In fact I can't believe quite how different he is to Charlotte. I know comparing the two of them isn't fair or helpful, but it's also natural to draw on our previous experience. Where she would feed for more than an hour most times - he seems happier with a good  15-20 minutes most feeds, but perhaps more frequently.

That's not to say I'm not still concerned about how much he's getting - all the wet/pooey nappies and weigh-ins in the world won't stop my anxiety over that. And I've started wondering if he's sleeping too much? Never happy, me!

James is also far more like a newborn baby than Charlotte ever was. Six days in and he's only really just starting to open his eyes and focus on things. He's still mostly quite curled up in the foetal position, and his cries are still very "mew-ing" as opposed to the much more powerful wails of his big sister at the same stage.

I'm sure we're much more relaxed having been through it before... in the middle of the night, I just have to think about the 19-month old in the next room to know we'll get through these tough first weeks/months, and things will get easier. But they feel easier already - partly because we're in a much more conducive environment (a nice big house rather than a poky little flat), and partly because he's seemingly eating and sleeping well.

Or he's just lulling us into a false sense of security....

Putting a label on it

When I originally started writing this latest blog in the middle of the night I had written: "Charlotte's been going a bit longer between feeds compared to the last couple of days - so perhaps this is her first growth spurt over...? Until the next one".

Famous last words - this morning she's been a nightmare. Absolutely nothing, apart from being on the breast for 55 minutes every hour, will settle her. We've tried making sure she's totally full by making sure she's not lazy snacking, we've made sure she's clean and dry, we've comforted her, left her to cry - everything.

It's got to the point where my OH has taken her out to scream the neighbourhood down to give me half an hour's break. The health visitor seemed to think we were doing well when she came this morning, and gave us more tips on feeding and trying to get her to sleep anywhere than on us. But even that reassurance isn't getting through to me at the moment.

I don't feel especially tired - just exasperated that we can't calm Charloltte and get her to sleep. EVERYONE keeps telling us it'll get easier in a week or two - but it's getting increasingly harder to believe and focus on.

The health visitor did suggest that as breastfeeding is going so well - too well, almost - I could try expressing already so my OH can help with at least one feed a day. I'm now worried Charlotte's become so attached to my breast, she might refuse a bottle. But we'll give it a go.

Life has become an endless game of second guessing her every need, her every cry and grizzle. And just when you think you've got it sussed, she changes the rules. But I think we are getting better at recognising her cues. I'm definitely recognising the hunger ones - rooting, hand in mouth, headbutting etc - more easily. And her uncomfortable "I'm trying to wee or poo" face.

The big problem comes when she's trying to tell us more than one thing at a time - I'm hungry and wet and overtired all at once. Then she'll come out with howling screams that cut right through us. My OH is amazing at calming her down though for which I'm hugely grateful.

I wasn't surprised that Charlotte got overtired yesterday afternoon though. We ended up having quite an ambitious walk around the local park, then the shops (including giving her a feed in Mothercare) and lunch at another pub, all with the other set of Grandparents this time. And she.was mostly as good as gold.

The funniest thing in her 9-day life happened too. Well it made me laugh lots. I know people always say kids are happier with the cardboard box than the toy that came in it. Well that was proved today. Forget expensive mobiles and toys to hang over her pram, Charlotte spent the best part of an hour this lunchtime utterly transfixed by the label on the sun parasol that we'd just bought. It was just in her eyeline within focus and she just stared and stared at it, keeping her totally occupied. I think we may be keeping that.

We had had a minor bit of progress with the Moses basket yesterday too. She managed an hour in it - albeit she'd already been asleep for an hour after being totally knackered from this morning's adventures. She had another 20 minutes in there last night too. But today we seem to have taken two steps backward on that issue as well.

I think the really tricky thing is to judge when to try to put her down. Too soon and she wakes herself really easily; too late and she's waking for a feed or change anyway.

Super Mario Charlotte

I've decided - with my entire one week's experience - that a newborn baby is much like a computer game. Trial and error to see which buttons to press and which avenues to follow to take us to the next level.

My OH and her grandparents didn't much like that analogy when I put it to them at lunch. Lunch also happened to be Charlotte's first trip to a pub! The first of many (responsible trips), I hope. She was a bit unsettled in the pram today and wanted an extra feed which I managed in a quiet corner of the pub. Only one week old, and I can't believe I've already breastfed her in public.

It was her grandparents' (my parents) second visit since she was born and they say they can see how much she is thriving. And how much progress we have made. They - and my OH and myself - can also tell she's put on weight already. While I'm obviously thrilled that it shows the feeding's going well, it also frightens me that she'll never ever be this tiny again, and I really am trying to savour every moment.

It's possible she may be going through her expected growth spurt a couple of days early. It would certainly account for all the extra 'snacking' feeds she's demanding. If that's the case - I'll just keep feeding her whenever she wants and see if it settles down in a few days.

We've also made a bit of a leap forward with the Moses basket. After observing how best she sleeps I decided to try putting her in on her side. It's another of those controversial areas where the militant 'experts' say babies should ONLY be put on their back. But she always gravitates to her side anyway, and there's plenty of anecdotal evidence of babies only settling to sleep on their sides.

If I'm honest, I feel more guilty about this than any of the feeding issues. I will be keeping a very close eye on her whenever she's sleeping in the Moses basket to start with just to make there's no tendency to move onto her front (doesn't look remotely possible at this stage, but you can never be too sure). And remember- when I was a baby, we were all put on our fronts... yet more advice to totally change in the past three decades.

So I tried it - with a rolled up blanket behind her to stop her rolling onto her back and waking herself up - and we've managed up to an hour and a quarter, which feels like a breakthrough. It's only happened the once, with an odd 25 minutes-1 hour here and there since, but her fractious sleep may well be just as much to do with her growth spurt than where she's being put down to sleep.

Incidentally, keeping this blog is helping to keep me sane. It really helps to process the myriad thoughts in my head, and empty them out into cyberspace before trying to get my head down for that odd hour or two's nap.

THE FIRST FEW DAYS - EATING & SLEEPING

It's very hard to believe we've only been home five days and that Charlotte is still less than a week old. It feels like she's been with us for far longer - which makes it hard to cut ourselves some slack on the few issues that aren't quite going right.

The first night passed much as I think we expected it - a lot of feeding, a couple of hours kip as she slept in the Moses basket next to us, and yet more feeding. But by night two it changed dramatically, and she would not get off to sleep and never seemed full from feeding.

It really wasn't helped by the heatwave - our flat was in the high 20s Celsius - and I think a perfect storm of that, me only having colostrum still, and her thirst in the heat made for a horrible night. In the end we cracked and gave her a tiny bit of formula because I just couldn't seem to quench her thirst or hunger, and it put her right out to sleep for a good couple of hours.

We didn't beat ourselves up about the miniscule bit of formula we gave her - and she's been feeding very well on me since then (so far... please don't make that a famous last words moment). The following day/night - when my proper milk still wasn't fully in - we reverted to a tiny bit of boiled, cooled water - once she'd had all she could from me. Again - we know it's not recommended and we haven't had to resort to it since, but the heat and not having my proper milk put us in a really difficult position.

Looking for advice on the internet and in magazines/books we had lying around really didn't help. There's so much militant "you must not do this and that" and so much conflicting advice, it started to drive us mad. So from now on I'm making a point of banning myself from internet forums and so-called expert books, and listening only to my parents, in-laws, close Mum friends and my instincts.

And it's not just the internet posse who can't decide on what's the right thing to do in certain circumstances. As experienced throughout my pregnancy, even the health professionals within the same NHS Trust can't seem to make their minds up. We've had so much conflicting advice from our various midwives on issues as far ranging as the big 'water issue' to whether to use a mild baby cleaning product in the bath. What one has told us in the hospital, another has disputed on a home visit. It's truly ridiculous.

But the feeding seems to have been going well since my proper milk started coming in, so that's good progress. Charlotte seems perfectly satisfied after a good feed most of the time - falling fast asleep or seeming content if she stays awake, and there are plenty of wet and pooy nappies (thanks to OH for dealing with these most of the time!).

The one big problem we've got at the moment is where she'll sleep. She's refusing to go down in the Moses basket since that first night, and will only sleep on one of us, which is really not ideal. We're working in very much of a tag-team shift pattern, so there's always one of us with her while the other snatches an hour or two of sleep. It's something we're already trying to address by trying various tips to get her to settle in the basket, but for now we're thinking 'one step at a time' and if we can get the feeding and other things right first by the end of week three, then we'll concentrate on getting her to sleep anywhere other than on us, as that's a really bad and hard habit to have to break.

However, ten years of shift work - including nightshifts and six years of starting at 4am - means I'm quite happy and comfortable being up all through the night with her. And surviving on the odd hour of sleep here and there. In fact I've really enjoyed the middle of the last two nights - between 1am and 4am it's dark and peaceful and I just stare at our wonderful, beautiful daughter trying to make out all her little movements and needs, thinking she'll never be this tiny ever again - while she feeds and sleeps on me.

So for now - we just have to keep reminding ourselves of all the positives steps we're making every day. The two midwife visits we've had have been absolutely fine; she's lost her small bit of jaundice; the feeding's going well; we've given her a bath; we've had two successful trips out of the flat - including a full hour in her pram this morning when she was as good as gold.

Tiny baby steps - we'll get her sleeping somewhere other than on us eventually, but we really are doing OK considering it's just the first week.