TONGUE TIE SORTED

James had his tongue tie clipped yesterday. I found it pretty traumatic because they took him away to do it, so I couldn't see what was going on. But I fed him as soon as they brought him back, which stopped the small amount of bleeding straight away - and the feeding seemed a bit better.

It seems to have had an effect already - the afternoon/early evening feeds seemed a lot more successful, though I'm still having issues with having him awake enough at night for the night feeds. With any luck though, we'll soon be able to reduce the amount of bottle top-ups (and therefore expressing) we're giving him.

But that seems to have brought his weight up over the past week. He put on 120g between Tuesday and Friday, and 110g since Friday to bring him to 8lb3oz, which is fantastic. No doubt helped by the top ups, but hopefully that weight gain will continue with more efficient feeding now.

One thing we're really lucky with is that he seems to know night from day. After his 9/10pm-ish feed (after a fussy couple of hours where's on and off the breast) he's mostly been settling himself to sleep for the longest of his sleeps (or it would be if I wasn't still waking him after 3-4 hours for a feed). And will go back down after his nightfeeds for nice long stretches until 8.30-9am-ish.

Still early days for getting him to go down easily for a nap - that's the only time we're using a dummy at the moment, when it's not feasible to take him out in the pram or we're not in the car. And he'll often wake after 25 minutes - just as Charlotte always used to do - but unlike her, mostly goes back down with a bit of help.

ACTIVE MONKEY

It's been a busy week for Charlotte. On Monday she totally surprised us by lifting her head and shoulders while on her tummy. It came totally out of nowhere, given that for the past three and a half months she's hated being on her tummy for any more than about 30 seconds. I just rolled her over to do up a dress and she was up, looking around, happy as anything for a good few minutes.

So she's been practising that all week - and we tried her in her door bouncer for the first time, too. She took to it straight away, seemed to really enjoy it - kicking her legs in a walking type motion and spinning round. I think she's still a bit too light to actually bounce yet, but it bodes well that she tried to use her legs to walk.

Shouldn't be too long before she's heavy enough to bounce properly - her latest weigh-in with the Health Visitor was a success. A nice healthy 5.5kg (12.1lb) - a steady gain of 500g in three weeks, heading further towards the 25th percentile and away from the 9th. The only change we've really made to her feeding has come in the last week when we've introduced a formula feed before bed. Not necessarily to 'tank her up' - but because she's so exhausted by 6.30 (I don't need to remind regular readers of her poor daytime naps/sleeping), she just keeps falling asleep on the breast before getting a decent feed. She falls asleep less easily on the bottle, and I'm happy to start introducing formula just once a day at this stage. In fact on Tuesday night she slept right through from 7.30pm - 6.50 am, so something must be working.1

And if all that wasn't progress enough, she had her first swimming lesson on Wednesday too. She was absolutely fantastic. Not a single grizzle, even though she was tired, and seemed quite at home in the water on her front and back. We're doing Aquatots lessons, and I really enjoyed it and enjoyed meeting some more new Mums as well. No photos, as with the sad state of society we're forbidden from taking pictures of our own children in a swimming pool, so I'll just have to wait until we're on holiday.

TWO MONTHS OLD

Charlotte is two months old today, and we've just got back from having her first immunisations (or second if you count her BCG on day one). What another absolute farce at the doctors. Despite going over with them at length if there was any problems in her not having her 6 week check-up until she was nearly 10 weeks (after they kept cancelling and not having the available staff), when I got there today I was told she couldn't have her jabs until she'd had her check-up.

After an angry and tearful exchange, they booked me in for both her check up and immunisations for Friday, but I was allowed to see the Health Visitor today. She was weighed - 4.3 kg/ 9.47lb - and sadly she's dropped into a lower percentile. While the HV said she wasn't concerned at this stage (though asked me such stupid questions such as 'do you think you've got enough milk in your breasts? - how should I know???), she does want to weigh Charlotte again next week.

And despite her saying she's not concerned, it still knocked me sideways a bit, because I think she's been feeding really well. But - as both Grandmothers have pointed out to me - when she's awake she's so active, she'll burn off far more energy than many more docile babies. We're back to 'no two babies being the same' again. All I do know, is that after her feeds she is almost always content. 90% of the time we seem to have a very happy, playful baby. Certainly not one that is underfed and constantly crying for food (though the increased chewing on her hands has caused me some concern, but she does that even after a really good feed as she's clearly discovering her hands and fingers).

When I came out from that check-up, a little upset, the receptionist told me there'd been a cancellation, so the Doctor could do her 6 week check up (at nearly 9 weeks!) then and there, and therefore she could have her jabs. Check-up was mostly fine, but we've been referred to a specialist as the GP picked up a heart murmur. He said it was more than likely benign, and pretty common, and nothing really to worry about. But you can't help but do with a tiny, helpless baby when you're told her heart needs attention.

And then came her jabs. At first she screamed no more than we hear most days when she's overtired, but about 30 seconds later she let out an almighty howl - louder than I've ever heard. It was the perfect storm of the needles, being tired and hungry. I just tried to comfort her as best I could.

We're back home now after the best part of two weeks at both sets of grandparents. And I must say it feels a bit daunting all over again without their support for the coming weeks. But Charlotte is definitely still making progress. I think we've just about nailed getting her an hour's sleep in the mid morning - usually around 9am - without too much of a fuss. Now we're trying to crack a longer sleep around lunchtime. The past six days though, that's been easy because we've had long car journeys that have fitted in, and she's slept right through most of them. Just need to transfer that sleep to the Moses basket now.

Talking of sleep, as expected, her seven hour stretches at night from the past few nights didn't continue. She was up as usual at around midnight and 4am for feeds. Only what I expected to be honest, and it really isn't a problem. Not sure what she'll do tonight after her jabs.

Driving back down yesterday - with two months under our belts - I got to thinking about what advice I'd give to one my closest friends who's expecting her first baby in December. Here's what I think I'd tell her to expect:

• You will read books and internet forums searching for advice - but take all of that with a pinch of salt and really try not to. A lot will scare you. The best people you can go to, for the best advice and reassurance, are your friends who've been through it all so recently.
• You will live your life by the clock - checking how long since your baby last fed, had a sleep, has been asleep, needs waking for a feed.
• Just as you think you've got the hang of something, i.e. breastfeeding, your confidence will be knocked when your baby throws you a curve-ball by doing something different (eg sleeping for longer/shorter, feeding for longer/shorter) and so you start to question everything all over again.
• You will get conflicting and confusing advice from all the health professionals - and they'll make you feel guilty about everything: feeding, weight gain, sleep - yet qualify it with every baby is different. Try to follow your gut instinct, even when you feel you have none.
• The overwhelming love and bond may not be there instantly. It's taking me weeks to get there, slowly.
• And the one thing that EVERYONE says, that is ABSOLUTELY TRUE, but which seems impossible during that first month, is that it DOES get easier. Your baby will become more manageable once you get to recognise their needs more and more, and once they start learning what to expect throughout each day.

DAYSLEEPER - (there's a hope)

And the battle with the daytime sleeping goes on.

However, putting her down in the evenings appears to have got a wee bit easier. Two nights this week, she self-settled herself (albeit it took at least 40 minutes each time), and the third it took around an hour to get her to sleep - but without picking her up out of her Moses Basket.

The first time I walked out of the bedroom and didn't hear a peep out of her I put it down to the fact she'd been very sleepy all day having had a very bad night's sleep with a cold, coughs and sneezes. But then she did it again the next night. We didn't swaddle her either night, but we did raise her mattress to a slight angle, thinking it might help her breathe a bit better with her stuffy nose.

However, when we've tried to put her down in the same way during the day, it still just isn't happening. And after she was weighed at the baby clinic on Wednesday and had only put on 20g since her last weigh-in - we're even more determined to do anything it takes to make sure she gets some sleep in the day.

While the Health Visitor wasn't concerned about her weight, she said Charlotte was probably using up more energy in protesting against her sleep (screaming, kicking, etc) than she was taking in. That obviously worried me a lot, and made me look at everything we're doing for Charlotte. I'm fairly convinced the feeding's still going well, so I'm wondering whether we're trying to impose any sort of routine too early.

Should we let her sleep as soon as she's finished feeding each time? But I don't want her to associate eating with sleeping in the long-term. I tried, and hated, the Babasling - again, having her sleeping on me all the time is not a practice I feel comfortable with.

So walking, driving, pram, new rocker, on us - whatever it takes, if the Moses basket doesn't work after half an hour.

My Mum and Dad took her out Thursday for 2 hours - including feeding her - while I was pampered at the hairdressers. I spent the whole time at the hairdressers wondering how she was doing - despite my best efforts to try to relax. I shouldn't have worried though, as usual she was as good as gold, as she usually is with her favourite Grandparents!

I'm still getting the occasional dark thoughts, but they're far more fleeting than a week or so ago - and still moments most days when I really don't think I'm coping very well. But I do keep trying to remind myself of all the positives, and the tiny bits of progress we are making.

In fact, when our poor little daughter was struggling a bit to breathe through her nose the other night when she had her cold, I felt much more affection and protective over her than I have previously. And the moments of heart-melting joy are definitely starting to outweigh those of despair.