This was originally the blog of a first-time Mum to remember the ups and downs of my pregnancy - and chart the first year of my daughter's life. But I've kept it going, and am now a mother of two! More than anything, it helps me to get to sleep once I've emptied my brain of issues and concerns and emotions onto the laptop.
If you're reading this and also a mum- or dad-to-be, first time parent, or just someone who's thinking about it - I hope it gives a little insight into one person's experiences - good and bad....

Wednesday, 13 July 2011


It all got too much over the weekend, and Charlotte pushed us to breaking point with her ear-splitting screams, constant need for the breast and nothing seemingly calming her down. So we called my parents to pick us up and go to theirs for a few days for moral and practical support.

It got to the point where I couldn't stop crying and ended up physically sick, as nothing I could do could help my baby daughter. Myself and my OH both confided in each other
dark, hateful thoughts. I'm pleased to say they've subsided since de-camping to her very loving grandparents.

I do feel a bit of a failure for having to turn to other people for help. I feel I shoukd be able to cope and tackle this enormous challenge head on with just me and OH. But I have to admit it's helping being able to hand Charlotte over for a couple of hours (not that I am yet able to relax enough to catch up on lost sleep). It's also helping that I'm able eat proper meals and regain some of my energy and confidence by being here. And I've been able to catch up with some of my closest friends - all of who have kids - and share experiences, tips and anxieties with them.

We also called our health visitor (a different one to the first), who has been utterly amazing. She diagnosed severe colic and showed us various techniques to wind Charlotte and recommended Infacol. There certainly seems to have been some improvement - though she's still having her early evening tantrum preriod where she cluster feeds, won't settle and cries a lot. But at least we know there's a reason for it and we're expanding our repertoire of ways to deal with her

When my OH got back from work earlier, it was so nice to hear him say, "I've got my gorgeous daughter back".

I'm still very anxious that we tackle the big sleeping issue. Driving down to my parents Charlotte proved she CAN sleep on her own - managing 1 and a half hours in the car and remaining asleep for a further 45 minutes in her car seat at the house. She's also managed 1 hour 30 on a firm sofa - unde the very watchful eye of her grandparents - but still no joy with the crib.

So I'm still on the nightshift; vety mindful that now OH is back at work he needs plenty of sleep. While I can see a bit of a light at the end of the tunnel as far as colic and feeding is concerned - it's a very long, dark stretch of nights I can see ahead of me as we try to get Charlotte to sleep away from us and in her own cot/basket.

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