This was originally the blog of a first-time Mum to remember the ups and downs of my pregnancy - and chart the first year of my daughter's life. But I've kept it going, and am now a mother of two! More than anything, it helps me to get to sleep once I've emptied my brain of issues and concerns and emotions onto the laptop.
If you're reading this and also a mum- or dad-to-be, first time parent, or just someone who's thinking about it - I hope it gives a little insight into one person's experiences - good and bad....

Saturday, 9 July 2011


Charlotte is now officially a citizen of the UK and the world. We registered her yesterday,which also culminated in her first ever tube and bus journeys.

We've been out pretty much every day in the past week which does us some good, although it can sometimes result in her getting a bit overtired. She seems to be doing a bit better in the pram and the occasional dummy has soothed her now and again. But she still gets really anxious and starts screaming once she realises she's not really close to me or my OH.

Talking to the midwife today - where of course Charlotte was as good as gold, and was signed off having put on more weight - she said we're just going to have to wean her off us, particularly for sleeping which could take weeks and weeks. That's really upsetting me as every time we try she gets so wound up, which winds me up and I'm ending up in tears more and more.
This afternoon she just went hysterical, and wouldn't even feed for about 6 hours.

I also can't stop worrying about what it's going to be like when OH goes back to work on Monday. Even though he works from home I know we won't be able to continue the tag team routine.

At the moment we're very much working in shifts, I'll get some kip from around 8/9pm in time for the 'nightshift' from midnight until anytime between 4 and 6am, depending on when she's fed. Then OH will do the next couple of hours while I get a bit more kip until after 9am. And we'll both manage an hour or so in the afternoon if we're lucky.

Most times that she's dropped off to sleep we've tried her again and again in the Moses basket. cot or playmat trying all the tips given to us from friends/midwives/health visitors. But within 10 minutes she's awake and cross. And that can lead to its own vicious circle of her getting so wound up she won't feed. So, to make sure she's getting enough sleep and food, we feel we have no choice but to make sure she gets several longer sleeps a day on us.

All we can think of is to gradually wean her off us and into the Moses/cot. If she wakes up and just constantly stirs without actually screaming, that's a bonus (but then I worry she's not getting enough sleep and the over-tired circle kicks in).

We keep telling ourselves she's still only 2 weeks old, but I really don't want to gamble on her growing out of it. The whole situation is just chipping away at my confidence - even though the feeding side of things seem to be going well.

One positive from the past few days -I've successfully been able to express one bottle a day, which means OH can give Charlotte one of her night feeds. Not that I've been able to sleep any extra, with worry.

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