DAYSLEEPER - (there's a hope)

And the battle with the daytime sleeping goes on.

However, putting her down in the evenings appears to have got a wee bit easier. Two nights this week, she self-settled herself (albeit it took at least 40 minutes each time), and the third it took around an hour to get her to sleep - but without picking her up out of her Moses Basket.

The first time I walked out of the bedroom and didn't hear a peep out of her I put it down to the fact she'd been very sleepy all day having had a very bad night's sleep with a cold, coughs and sneezes. But then she did it again the next night. We didn't swaddle her either night, but we did raise her mattress to a slight angle, thinking it might help her breathe a bit better with her stuffy nose.

However, when we've tried to put her down in the same way during the day, it still just isn't happening. And after she was weighed at the baby clinic on Wednesday and had only put on 20g since her last weigh-in - we're even more determined to do anything it takes to make sure she gets some sleep in the day.

While the Health Visitor wasn't concerned about her weight, she said Charlotte was probably using up more energy in protesting against her sleep (screaming, kicking, etc) than she was taking in. That obviously worried me a lot, and made me look at everything we're doing for Charlotte. I'm fairly convinced the feeding's still going well, so I'm wondering whether we're trying to impose any sort of routine too early.

Should we let her sleep as soon as she's finished feeding each time? But I don't want her to associate eating with sleeping in the long-term. I tried, and hated, the Babasling - again, having her sleeping on me all the time is not a practice I feel comfortable with.

So walking, driving, pram, new rocker, on us - whatever it takes, if the Moses basket doesn't work after half an hour.

My Mum and Dad took her out Thursday for 2 hours - including feeding her - while I was pampered at the hairdressers. I spent the whole time at the hairdressers wondering how she was doing - despite my best efforts to try to relax. I shouldn't have worried though, as usual she was as good as gold, as she usually is with her favourite Grandparents!

I'm still getting the occasional dark thoughts, but they're far more fleeting than a week or so ago - and still moments most days when I really don't think I'm coping very well. But I do keep trying to remind myself of all the positives, and the tiny bits of progress we are making.

In fact, when our poor little daughter was struggling a bit to breathe through her nose the other night when she had her cold, I felt much more affection and protective over her than I have previously. And the moments of heart-melting joy are definitely starting to outweigh those of despair.