I keep going over and over in my head: "what the hell were we thinking?". The enormity of having a newborn with a toddler under 2-years just seems too much to deal with some days.
We've not yet told anyone - still very early days at 6 weeks, especially after the two m/cs I had before Charlotte came along. But I keep playing the conversation of when we tell my parents over and over in my head, and it's not good. Basically, they know how tough I've found the past 11 months with one - and I think they'll think we haven't thought through exactly what having two in such quick succession really means. My OH says all the imagined reactions are me transferring my own anxieties onto what I think my Mum will say. And he's probably absolutely right. I hope they'll be thrilled at the prospect of a second grandchild, rather than dismissive of how I'll cope.
So we're at six weeks, and even going to the GP and getting an appointment with the midwife next week still isn't making it feel any more real. I don't feel pregnant at all. The only slight hint is the occasional loss of appetite come dinner time in the early evening, but I certainly wouldn't call it nausea.
At this stage last time, I couldn't face one of my favourite foods - curry. And I had nausea every evening, and didn't fancy eating anything for dinner - just drinking lemonade. There is a nagging worry in the back of my mind that because I don't have any symptoms, it has already gone wrong like with my first m/c (we're past the point when I had my second), which makes me very sad when I read that at this stage hands and feet are already forming, and there should be a heartbeat.