WHEN BREAST ISN'T BEST

My confidence has been knocked again - partly from Charlotte's disappointing weight gain earlier in the week, but also down to several other issues surrounding breastfeeding.

Without going into too much detail, my breasts feel physically different and Charlotte's become increasing fussy around feeding. She's also taken to sucking and chewing on her hands more and more - which I think is just the coincidence of her discovering her hands and fingers at a bad time rather than her being permanently hungry.

After most feeds she still seems content, and we're still getting through as many nappies. But things just don't feel like they did a week or so ago.  I know feeding changes as babies get older and more efficient at it, but I feel more like we're going backwards - with her not always latching on properly and fussing so much. I've also not successfully expressed for days.

Myself and my OH have decided on the occasions Charlotte still seems hungry after feeding from me, we'll offer her formula. Currently she's not taken anymore than about 50ml, usually much less, which means she must be mostly satisfied from me. Such is the propaganda from all the health professionals, though, it makes me feel like I'm offering her poison - which is obviously ridiculous because millions of babies are brought up on formula alone, and it's far more important that my daughter is well-fed however that happens. Knocking expressing on the head for the moment, while I concentrate on making sure I feed Charlotte everytime myself.

But just the idea that I may have to give up breastfeeding before the 3 or 4 months I had intended to do it exclusively found me in a very emotional state. That stress itself won't help my milk production or help Charlotte feed more properly. Hopefully seeing her well-fed and happy (and if that means using some formula, so be it) will lower my stress and anxiety levels and get us back on an even keel.