DUE DATE BEEN AND GONE

As not in the least bit unexpected - we have passed our due date for Twiglet. It was yesterday, and - just as when expecting Charlotte - we had fun stuff planned to focus on instead. We went out for a really nice meal and to the cinema while Grandma babysat. Sadly, not even a second fix of James Bond brought on any sign that Twiglet's coming any time soon.

Last time round I was able to do quite a lot of walking - but the past week has been reallly snowy and icy, and as I'm pretty clumsy at the best of times I've been hibernating a bit. Not been totally lazy though - impossible with a 19-month old - so running around after her at home and at various playgroups means I'm on my feet quite a lot of the day. Time to break out the Raspberry Leaf Tea, I think.

Got a sweep booked for Tuesday, which is how it all kicked off with Charlotte so we'll see if that works this time. It's difficult not to get too fixated on it all being exactly the same as last time, so perhaps we should have something nice planned for Tuesday evening or Wednesday that's easy to cancel.

The one thing that's preying on my mind far more this time round than last is the knowledge that things can still go very wrong even at this very late stage. Not a day has gone by since last March when I don't think about what happened to our friends. The post-mortem inconclusively suggested the placenta just 'ran out of time' and stopped working, so of course the more overdue you are, the higher the risk. Those sort of thoughts tend to go through my head on the rare occaisions that I've got really comfortable in bed and suddenly think "I don't even feel pregnant" - just for a moment.

And of course sod's law - Charlotte's started sleeping much better through the night (had a couple of full nights recently), while I'm up every two hours for the loo or to get comfortable again! But she's refusing her daytime naps more and more, so getting rest in the day is at a premium.

Here's a cheeky picture of Charlotte enjoying the snow:

SECOND BABY WORRIES

I feel like I've hardly mentioned my current pregnancy over the past few months. It's been all very straight forward until this week, when I had a second vomiting bug in three weeks and ended up in hospital.

I just couldn't keep a thing down for 12 hours - not even water - and so I was understandably concerned about how it would be affecting Twiglet. A quick trip to my GP and she rang the ante-natal clinic who saw me immediately. Everything was fine with Twiglet - we got to hear his/her heartbeat, and he/she was constantly on the move for what seemed like 24 hours (a bit of a worry in itself, but it's settled down now).

They kept me in for about 8 hours until I could keep down a few bottles of fluid - and thankfully I avoided the anti-sickness pills and a drip. But it meant that my OH had to take an important day off work (again) and we had to rely on grandparents to look after Charlotte. All which made me feel really guilty.

And that guilt got worse later in the week when Charlotte's nasty cough got worse and worse. After two pretty much sleepless nights (on the part of OH as he insists I sleep because I'm 7 months pregnant) her Dad took her to the doctors. They couldn't find anything really wrong, but gave her an inhaler to help just in case. He then took her to nursery, but they called a few hours later for her to be picked up as her cough was causing her so much distress. And through all of this, where was I? At work. Feeling increasingly guilty.

Because I'm self-employed if I don't go to work I don't get paid. If my OH takes (yet another) day off to help with the childcare he at least does still get paid. So on top of feeling guilty that it should be me looking after Charlotte when she's poorly, distressed and can't sleep, there's also the guilt  that he seems to be doing it all  (including battling to get her to eat anything once again) while I swan off leaving them to it when he's also had the bare minimum (if any) sleep.

Only working for one more month (and then it's only one or two days a week) - and then we'll have a whole world of new worries with Number Two. To be honest, the only thing that's really concerning me at the moment is breastfeeding the tiny one with a toddler demanding my attention at the same time.

In the early months it would take Charlotte at least an hour each time to feed - every couple of hours. I have no idea how I'll be able to do that AND look after Charlotte. But people manage somehow - hopefully she'll start playing a bit more by herself when she realises Mummy is busy. And hopefully the next one will sleep better in the day than she did so I can give her plenty of attention when her brother or sister is napping. That's a lot of "hopefully"s!

15 MONTHS OLD

Blimey - life's just so busy at the moment what with working, raising a 1-year old child and being pregnant with a second I just don't have time to update my blog very often.

At the risk of sounding repetitive, the past month has seen us dealing with yet more eating and sleeping issues. At one point about three weeks ago, Charlotte stopped eating almost completely. She wouldn't even touch her favourites - cheese and fruit. We eventually put it down to a tummy bug as she was a little bit sick, and slowly re-introduced easy purees and pouches of food.

A few days after she started eating something she perked right up and started eating us out of house and home for a couple days. Thankfully with the food 'sign' and her saying "Ooof", we know when she's hungry now which is useful.

Her appetite's levelled off now, and we still have days of struggling to get her to eat an awful lot, but that's more about keeping her attention rather than things she does and doesn't like. One day even the old favourites get pushed away, and only banana and a petit filous will do. One thing we have found that she loves is Tesco's Goodness microwave meals for over-1s. They seem pretty nutritious, and it's nice to have found something that bridges the gap between 'baby food' and 'proper meals'.

The last ten nights Charlotte has also been testing us to the limits with sleep deprivation once again. She's been up at least once a night, usually for at least 2 hours before she'll settle back down. We've tried letting her cry it out, holding her hand, nightlight, teething gel, paracetamol - one night one of those might work, the next night they don't.

But last night, she slept right through with just a couple of murmurs. No idea what will happen from here - whether a couple of nights of tough love letting her cry a bit more have worked, whether it was a one-off good night, or whether she's over this latest phase. Who knows? Guess we'll find out tonight. Really hope it's the latter.

Oh, and she's taken her first steps. That was a pretty big one that I nearly forgot. It's a fairly wobbly half dozen steps or so, but she loves trying to walk between me and her Daddy! "Again" she keeps saying - actually she says that  A LOT - usually for a book we've already read 14 times.

Had our 20 week scan a couple of weeks ago - although was 21+1 weeks. All good - and unlike last time, my placenta's not low-lying. I've had far fewer "skinny days" than I did with Charlotte - I'm feeling Twiglet several times a day, which is so reassuring. We were tempted, but we DIDN'T find out what flavour he/she is - so best start sorting the 'neutral' baby clothes from last time pretty soon! 

SLEEP REGRESSION

We're having a total nightmare with Charlotte's sleeping at the moment. (note the time of this post: - 0218).

After the best part of a year of a really good bedtime routine, and C mostly going down straight away without a fight - she's suddenly refusing to sleep. And waking A LOT in the night, taking up to 2 hours to get her to go back down sometimes.

I have read that this is a common problem as her development gathers pace and she wants to be up trying all her new skills, but frankly that doesn't help. We've resorted to sitting in her room with her until she's down, like we did back in the early months. But even then she's up a couple of hours later - and then often every hour after that.

We've tried leaving her to cry, but she gets so wound up she makes herself sick - and that's after only abut 5 minutes. If we give her her dummy, she decides it's a fun game to throw it out of the cot minutes later. It's really not good at the moment.

Recently it's been nighttime coughing that had been waking her up. She's fine in the day, but almost bang on 10.30pm she'll wake up with a massive coughing fit. We've tried so many things to alleviate this - window open, humidifier, honey before bed, hoovered and cleaned bedding, different room, raised cot etc etc. And while she is still coughing quite a bit at night, it's not that that's waking her at the moment.

I don't know whether she's just started hating her cot or room, is scared, or just being a terror. But sleepless  nights are really not helpful when you're 4-months pregnant with number two. That said, I must saying my OH has been amazing in doing most of the really tough nighttime stuff, and I usually get a few hours sleep before I take over in the early hours.

Talking of number two, I had started feeling the little Twiglet (our chosen pet name for him/her) with the little pulses. And I heard his/her heartbeat at my latest ante-natal appointment, which was great. But now I've barely felt anything for a few days (probably not helped by the stress brought on by Charlotte), and so the anxiety begins... I know it's still early days to be feeling much, so trying not to get too worried. But I do love those reassuring little flutters.

MY SECRET BLOG III

(originally written on 27/06/12)

Close family now know I'm pregnant. It would have been impossible to keep it a secret over the past week with my parents and brother coming to stay to celebrate Charlotte's first birthday - so we had to tell them and my OH's family.

They were all pretty surprised that we're having Number Two so soon, but also seemed pleased. To be honest it's been such a hectic week with Charlotte's birthday, having a house full of guests and Charlotte being really poorly I think most people actually forgot after the initial annoucnement!

Had our booking in appointment with the community midwife last week. She's lovely - and the system's all so different from when we were in London last time. Then it felt like we were on a conveyor belt - this time it feels more personal and a bit more relaxed. Many of our appointments (apart from things like scans and my anti-D injections) will be at the local health centre, which is great.

I was told I could have a reassurance scan if I really wanted one, given my past history of miscarriages. But I'm trying to stay really positive about this pregnancy and declined for the time being, unless I feel concerned at any time before our 13 week scan. 

Right now the 24th July, when the scan's booked for, seems a long, long time away. I've still got plenty of early pg symptoms - nausea at varying times of the day (not just evenings as it was last time), tender breasts today, and being wiped out with tiredness (though that could just as easily be from running around after a one year old!).

13 MONTHS OLD

Crikey! Is it really six weeks since my last blog? Been so busy, literally no time to get my thoughts down.

So, I'll start with the big news..... Charlotte's going to be a big sister in January, all being well!! We've obviously known for several months but only just gone public with it. I did write a couple of secret blogs when we first found out which I'll publish after this one because my head was all over the place at first.

It wasn't exactly a shock - it was planned. Being the wrong side of 35 we didn't know how long it might take this time round, especially given what we went through before Charlotte came along. But I don't think we were exactly prepared for it to happen quite so quickly, and so far, so smoothly.

There'll be 19 months between them - which isn't as close as some we know, but plenty close enough. And the close age gap does leave me with some trepidation.

I hope we've ironed out Charlotte's eating habits by then. She's so erratic... mostly going through a 'not eating' phase at the moment which is really stressing me out. At her one year review at the health visitor they said there was nothing to worry about as she's still perfectly on her weight curve and seems very happy and healthy. She's probably getting everything she needs over the course of a week, but it's so frustrating the days she just won't touch things she's happily eaten before.

predictably though, she does like chocolate!

Ever since she was really poorly on her first birthday I think we've had two nights where she's slept right through. Most nights we've had to go in at least twice - sometimes taking an hour to get her back down. Recently it's been her latest teeth coming through, but other nights she wants water, her dummy, or is just being a right pickle. As if I've not been tired enough going through the first trimester again!

But all her other development continues to delight and amaze us - especially her 'talking'. Her vocabulary is getting bigger and bigger. And I love watching her sat with a book 'reading' it to us. Her latest word, where she points to hers and ours - is "elbow". What 13 month old knows "elbow" for goodness sake?!!

Helpfully, she can now tell us when she's hungry by going: "food" and doing the baby sign for food. Unhelpfully she knows the words for her favourite foods - cheese and banana - which she'll scream at us if she's not happy with whatever it is we've given her.

Cheese was the only thing to put a smile on her face when she had her 13-month jabs, though. You have never seen anyone so delighted to be offered a Babybel - I thought she was going to burst with excitement!.

She's also practising standing without holding on to anything. So I guess it won't be too long until walking follows.

Charlotte still screams and clings onto me when I drop her off at nursery every Friday. But these days when we pick her up, she's always happy and babbling away telling us very excitedly what she's done with her day. And the outside of our fridge is rapidly filling up with the obligatory 'paintings' and 'cut and stick' artwork!

a couple of recent pics to break up a really long and overdue blog

Aside from my pregnancy, the other big news, I guess, is that I've gone back to work (albeit only until Christmas now!). It has given me a new lease of life. I'm so loving being back - I feel like I've got a part of my old self back. If I'm honest, on really busy days, I don't give Charlotte too much thought as I know she's being well looked after by either her Dad or Grandparents - all of whom she loves spending time with. 

She seems far happier not to be with me day in, day out. And it means the days when it is me looking after her I don't feel like it's such a slog; it's more of a treat and I'm not trying to think of different things to do each day, as she's already doing different things with Granny or at nursery or with Daddy.

PREGNANCY - MONTH TEN (WEEK 40+6)

I have taken up drinking Raspberry Leaf tea. I know it's more useful longer term for strengthening the uterine muscles than actually bringing on labour - but I'm totally off curry and would have to eat seven whole pineapples if that other old wives' tale is to have any effect. The tea's actually really nice, but no effects yet.

Also been walking lots to try to encourage the Little Monkey it's time to come out. Had the most obvious, but still totally painless, Braxton Hicks on Sunday evening after a particularly long walk - so I'll try to keep that up (if it ever stops raining). Had plenty of helpful suggestions from friends who've also been overdue - everything from watching a film that makes me cry to doing a jigsaw puzzle on my hands and knees on the floor!

We're very well aware that the average first baby is 8 days late (which begs the question of why bother with a due date instead of something like a 'due week') - but it doesn't make it any easier. I think both me and my OH are passed the impatient stage, and both feel more like it's just never going to happen and I'm going to be in a perpetual state of pregnancy for ever more!

The excitement and belief that there'll actually be a baby here soon has certainly gone. As has my feeling of being ready for labour and birth. That's slowly ebbing away as the days go on. As time ticks on I also find myself getting some darker thoughts if he/she stays in there too long - what if they're in distress and doesn't get out in time; what if my placenta suddenly stops supplying him/her with everything they need; and worse.

But the painless Braxton Hicks also make me occasionally have a wild notion that perhaps I'll be the first woman to have a totally pain-free labour and birth! Yeah right.

Still getting plenty of movement from the Little Monkey - and I keep telling him/her that there's far more room outside to stretch and kick and making all the big movements that he/she's still doing inside my tummy...!

So, still waiting - we know it could still be another week before the midwives decide whether I should be induced. Until then, I think I'll stick the kettle on for another cup of Raspberry Leaf tea....

PREGNANCY - MONTH TEN (WEEK 40+2)

Yes - month ten. As not unexpected I am overdue. I'm not really that surprised, despite earlier being convinced the Little Monkey was going to come early. I know the vast majority of first-borns are late. But it means days more fending off calls and texts from family to see if there's any news. IF THERE'S ANY NEWS WE'LL TELL YOU! Had lots of well-meaning messages from friends too, which is nice, but clearly veiled as "any news?"!

Over the last few days I keep swinging from emotion to emotion within hours. One minute I'm feeling desperately impatient and want it all to kick off immediately - then I'm feeling quite happy to still be pregnant and don't want anything to happen just yet. Then I'll be feeling really anxious and nervous about labour and birth and don't want it to happen at all - and then I'll be more pragmatic, reminding myself the Little Monkey will come when they're ready - whether that means being induced or any second now.

It's all the not knowing that's unsettling. Yet on the other hand, not an awful lot has changed in the last few weeks. I may be a bit bigger and slower, but don't really feel much different, and so it doesn't really feel like  the birth is imminent. Having said that, at my GP's appointment this week she told me the baby's another fifth engaged - 3/5 into my pelvis - which is a good sign. We've just been carrying on as usual - been out a couple of times this week which has been really good, espcially chatting with friends about stuff other than babies and pregnancy.

We have a midwife appointment on Thursday where it's likely I'll have a sweep and discuss the possibility of being induced. Unless of course, it's all happened before then...

PREGNANCY - MONTH NINE (WEEK 40)

Well, it's my due date today - and I'm really trying not to set too much stall by it or get too fixated on it. I have a pregnancy massage booked and we're seeing friends for dinner, to keep me busy. But it's very hard not to feel impatient, anxious and apprehensive.

I don't think it's helped that I'd convinced myself our Little Monkey would come early.  Now I'm thinking it could still be another 2 weeks, which makes me feel pretty despondent. The hardest thing is just not knowing how it's all going to kick off - will my waters break, will I have a show, will the contractions just start? The not knowing and constantly being on alert to any sign is frustrating.

But I keep trying to remind myself our Little Monkey will come when and how he/she is ready. And that I should rest up and enjoy myself while I can. Easier said than done though.

I have been sleeping pretty well - but I do wonder if I'm setting myself up for a fall. Everyone keeps telling me to sleep as much as I can - but surely if your body gets used to loads of sleep it's only going to make it harder once the wee one comes along and I start getting very little. Having worked anti-social hours for years, I've been used to snatching the odd hour or two of sleep here and there - and your body is almost trained to do it over time. To me, that seems a more sensible approach, as I'm sure the extra hours I'm getting now don't store up in my body for future use.

So now we're just waiting.

PREGNANCY - MONTH NINE (WEEK 39)

I have been in some discomfort this week - for the first time all pregnancy really. But it's not in my back, tummy or legs - but in my bottom. I won't go into too much information, but the dreaded 'Hs' (see week 36) are getting worse, more painful and making it harder for me to get comfortable and sleep.

It's the first time that I've started to feel that I'd like the Little Monkey to come sooner rather than later. His/her movements are so big that I'm sure he/she's trying to get out! I still really enjoy feeling all the squirming, kicking etc - but I just hope they're not in any distress.

Booking lots of stuff to keep me occupied next week, so I'm not so focused on my due date - from a mortgage review to dinner with friends. Still very aware the Little Monkey could potentially be a full three weeks away though, and I keep telling myself he/she will come when and how it decides.

Some lovely news from my close friend and colleague who was expecting twins - she had 2 gorgeous wee boys this week. Sounds like she's had a tough first few days, and I don't envy her the stress of two, but looking at her photos made me bawl my eyes out and make me want our Little Monkey to put in their appearance really soon...

PREGNANCY - MONTH NINE (WEEKS 37 & 38)

We have a new catchphrase in our flat - "Ooops". My clumsiness has got worse in recent weeks. I am forever dropping stuff, made all the more annoying by the effort it takes to bend over and pick things up!

But generally, with just two weeks until my due date, all seems to be progressing fine. No ailments to speak of other than a continuation of the minor side-effects previously mentioned - the only new(ish) thing is a constant need for the loo. But I'm told me bladder is now being squashed almost flat by the Little Monkey, so that's no surprise.

Getting a little fed up of people telling me how I must be feeling. "Oh, you probably feel like a whale" - No. "You must be desperate for the baby to come now" - No. "You must be bored waiting around" - No. I'm still keeping myself nice and busy - swimming, walking, reading, housework. I've now been off work for a month, and haven't missed it at all.

Went bowling for a friend's birthday the other week, and so many people kept questioning if I should be bowling "in my condition", and telling me to be careful etc. By the end of the evening I wanted to talk about anything other than my bump/pregnancy/baby as I was sick of answering the same questions over and over again to new acquaintances.

My OH has done a fantastic job of the nursery - it's pretty much done now. Just waiting for a nursing chair to arrive - and the baby of course! A few people have said the chairs are a waste of money, but as I'm going to be spending an awful lot of time in the nursery (OH works from home and has commandeered the living room) it makes sense for me to have comfy and practical chair in there.

Caught up with a few friends with babies/toddlers, and my parents, this week which was lovely - everyone seems so excited for us. Probably the last time I'll venture too far from home for a while, as it really feels like we're on countdown now - anytime between now and a month, I guess. I'm just now really intrigued as to what that first contraction or early labour REALLY feels like. All the stuff I've read says I'll just know, but having got this far without any type of pain - not even Braxton Hicks - it truly is the unknown.

PREGNANCY - MONTH NINE (WEEK 36)

The Little Monkey is three-fifths engaged... it could (and hopefully will) still be weeks away, but everything's clearly heading in the right direction, according to my 36 week ante-natal check-up. My Mum reckons he/she won't hang around, so I am starting to be a little bit on tenterhooks, looking out for any possible signs that the start of labour might be imminent. All getting a bit close...!

A few final month niggles creeping in - but nothing major at all. Definitely feeling a bit more tired (not helped by builders digging up our street from 8am every morning, and being especially noisy just when I really feel I need an afternoon nap), and losing my appetite again, a bit like in the first trimester. The congested nose part of my rhinitis has also returned, making it harder to breath at night. And that odd sensation on my tongue that I also had near the start - where it feels a bit like I've burnt it and its unpleasantly tingly and rough.

Haemorrhoids aren't going away anytime soon either - I'm not constipated, so it's just the pressure of the Little Monkey as he/she slips further down (sorry if tmi!). He/she must have dropped a bit as I'm wearing my bras on a slightly tighter setting, as my rib-cage contracts.

Talking of which - I bought my nursing bras this week. I went for a proper fitting, which wasn't as traumatic as I feared. As I may have previously alluded to, being a rather 'unusual' size I usually get really upset and wound up when I have to buy new bras, and tend to get them delivered to sort out in the comfort of my own home. But the assistant was very pleasant, and has recommended going 'just' one more cup size up to accommodate for when my milk comes in, and stick with the same back size. So I've ended up with the same style bras as I've been wearing for most of my pregnancy - just the nursing version. Hope breastfeeding goes well now.

I also went swimming this week, to try to keep me fit and active. Was a bit self-conscious at first, but it felt pretty good, so will try to go again at least twice a week for the remaining few weeks.

All our nursery furniture (cot, mattress, changing unit) arrived this week - in three separate deliveries. From friends' experiences and reading around we weren't expecting a smooth ride from Mothercare, but - while it wasn't as straight-forward as it should have been and involved several phone calls to sort out - it wasn't as bad as it could have been. Busy weekend for my OH putting it all together! But I think he'll quite enjoy it, and feel he's finally making a contribution to the build-up. The thing is - he's been making an amazing contribution for the last 8 months anyway - with all his support in various forms.

PREGNANCY - MONTH EIGHT (WEEK 35)

I don't know how I ever managed to fit work in - managing to fill my days quite happily! What with still sorting the flat out, washing (and buying more) bits of baby clothing, daytime TV, reading lots and generally relaxing and enjoying myself - quite enjoying being a lady of leisure... while it lasts.

Had one day when I felt completely wiped out, and ended up having a good sleep in the middle of the day - which I know is my body telling me to slow down (and my DP also telling me). Still managed to get everything done that I was planning to do that day, but I must learn not to feel guilty for doing next to nothing some days.

Last weekend we managed to get loads of baby stuff done, without especially planning to. I did my Birth Plan, packed most of my hospital bag (hard to know what to pack for 'going home' clothes as I'm still wearing anything I might pack), and we took another trip to Mothercare and Boots for bath stuff and plenty more odds and sods.

Also had a lovely lunch this week with my friend whose twins will be arriving sometime in the next 3 weeks. She's due the same week as me, but her hospital won't let her go beyond 38 weeks. It was a good chance to natter all things baby, labour and birth - which, apart from with our respective other halves - we don't do very much with other people.

DP and I did a 2-night First Aid course especially for babies and children this week, through the Red Cross. It was well worth doing - if only for gaining a bit of confidence if ever we find ourselves in an emergency situation. It wasn't just the thought of being prepared for our own Little Monkey, but we'll find ourselves surrounded by far more babies and toddlers as a result, and it's good to know we've got that little bit of knowledge on all sorts of medical emergencies if the worst ever (hopefully never) happens.

PREGNANCY - MONTH EIGHT (WEEK 34)

Aren't people nice? Took my car in for its MOT and service this week - and the lovely lady at Volkswagen had obviously clocked my bump, and when I went to pick my car up - she handed over a bottle of (not cheap) champagne to wish me luck! How lovely - was really surprised. NB - car is now also fully equipped with car seat and base, generously donated by my best friend. Baby stuff gradually infiltrating all our space!

Had to pop back into work too, to tie up a few loose ends and have an appraisal. After the unusual circumstances of leaving after a mammoth shift on Royal Wedding day last week, I was given a Good Luck card and gift voucher from everyone, which was also lovely. Didn't feel remotely strange to walking out of the building for who knows how long - I think I'm definitely ready to put my feet up for a few weeks now.

Been busy though - done all sorts of bits and bobs like sorting my car, eye test, ante-natal checkups (all good), last ante-natal class, breastfeeding class etc,  so it's not exactly felt like a week off. 

DP and I also did a tour of the Birth Centre and Labour ward at the hospital where we'll be having the Little Monkey. I thought I'd pretty much made up my mind about all that - I thought  I was all set for the Birth Centre. But when it came to it, I felt much more comfortable in the Labour ward. The rooms reminded me of a Travelodge - albeit with plenty of amenities and all the pain relief/operating theatre closer to hand. The Labour ward has one birthing pool available (so long as there are enough midwives to monitor it), so I could hopefully still use that. The Birth Centre just seemed a bit older, more 'hippy', and nothing like a 'home from home' they bill it as. So I think for the first one, I'll be much happier in more of a hospital environment - not that it felt too 'hospitally'.

Annoyingly, the  midwife showing us round was giving us conflicting information to things we'd been told by the midwife at our ante-natal classes (all from the same hospital) - about things like which ward I'd be on after the birth. I got quite frustrated and angry at what seems to be emerging as a pattern of no one really knowing what's going on, and constant conflicting information from within the same NHS trust.

I'm also getting a bit wound up by the constant negative messages from people like my GP. Things like "oh, you'll feel like a whale soon" and "no one's birth ever goes to plan". Not true. I've had plenty of friends whose births have - and, while it may change in my last month, I'm constantly surprised by how NOT big I feel at the moment. I know I have to keep realistic about everything that might or might not happen at the end of my pregnancy and during labour/birth - and I am - but a few positive messages wouldn't go amiss...

PREGNANCY - MONTH EIGHT (WEEK 33)

I have finished work. A very odd feeling, especially as my last day was the Royal Wedding, and as a journalist it was one of the busiest days EVER. And most of my colleagues were out of the office reporting from location, so when I finally left there wasn't really anyone to say goodbye to (other than the two people I'm very good friends with at work, and I was seeing the following day anyway!).

 

My actual maternity leave doesn't start until May16th - the first two weeks are annual leave -  so perhaps that's why it doesn't really feel like I've left. I thought I'd feel a bit more emotional after 10 years at the same place, and not having a clue when I'll be going back, but it really doesn't feel like anything at all. I have wondered whether I've taken time off too early, but with the long, anti-social hours that I work, I decided I could just do without the stress and enjoy as much relaxation time as possible.

All my friends with kids say that's definitely the right thing to do. One of them has even sent me some books that I was planning to buy - and told me put my feet up and relax as much as possible. It really blew me away that she was so thoughtful - and I intend to do lots of reading and DVD watching in the 6-weeks or so until the Little Monkey puts in their appearance.

There is a sign that I am ready to finish work - a few pregnancy niggles are starting to creep in. Had quite painful and irritating piles in the last week (nice - but had them years ago quite severely so doesn't concern me too much). And more frequent disturbed nights sleeps from not being able to get comfortable, or the Little  Monkey giving me a right hammering as he/she decides to do an Irish jig in the middle of the night. But seeing as I'm so near the end I'm not surprised, and I'm also very grateful the little niggles have taken this long to appear. I know how lucky I am that they're so minor and not been throughout my pregnancy.

We've ordered and paid for the pram (Bugaboo Bee) finally. And we're still buying odds and sods - bottle stuff (although planning to exclusively breastfeed at the start), a few sleepsuits and baby-gros. Also picked up the car seat and base that we're borrowing from my best friend - so the car is now baby-ready! That also meant another brief visit to my parents - and they'd had another mooch around  Mothercare, and bought some hooded baby towels and bath stuff... stuff that I really wanted to buy myself, but of course I was grateful to them. Mum's done a great job of knitting a couple of cardigans too - a particularly lovely arun one (shame it will be the height of summer).

PREGNANCY - MONTH 8 (WEEK 32)

The Little Monkey is perfectly average. In a good way. I don't think there's any danger of any child of ours being 'average' once they're out - but for now, I'm happy if all the measurements, positions etc are as average and 'normal' as can be.

Had a precautionary 32 weeks scan to check the position of the placenta, which has moved up so that's good. And the sonographer told us the Little Monkey is - going by the measurements - weighing around 4lb. Given that there are still eight weeks to go, and from now  on it may well put on half a pound a week, it could be a biggun'. Given The Little Monkey's Dad though, that's no great surprise! No picture this time - too big and not in the right position to be especially photogenic.

32 week ante-natal check up at my doctors (with a locum) also went fine. No concerns. So all looking good. And we went to our first ante-natal class together this week. I would say it was definitely useful to be able to ask seemingly 'stupid' questions, and learn a bit more about the actual biology of what will happen through labour and birth. I felt a bit uncomfortable though - everyone was a bit quiet and nervy. There were only four couples there, and I can't really see me making any new Yummy Mummy friends from them. But DP tells me it was "fascinating" and really helpful and useful for him, which makes it really worthwhile for both of us.

Can't believe I only have one week left at work (and a full week at that - no Bank Holidays off for me). One of the things I think I'll miss is the office being a bit of a sanctuary away from constant 'baby stuff'. My pregnancy isn't discussed all that much at work - which is fine by me. Sometimes a bit odd when people are discussing my colleague's impending arrival of twins, and I'm not brought into the conversation, but I get all the attention I need from DP and family - so it doesn't really bother me. And I can quite understand how TWO babies in one go is far more fascinating than a "run-of-the-mill" (to them, certainly not to me) pregnancy.

Still reflecting on how it's all gone so far. Aside from the anxiety and rhinitis that I mentioned last week, the other things that have not really impressed me is my HORRIBLE outie tummy button, and very dark, hairy belly. Hopefully they will both disappear not long after I've had the Little Monkey. 

And if there's one thing I regret, it's that I've not been able to relax and enjoy my pregnancy as much as I'd like. Now that I'm on the home straight, I'm going to really try to enjoy these final weeks - especially once I'm on maternity leave. I'm going to try and see it as a bit of a holiday - before all the hard work really starts...

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (week 31 part 2)

With the weeks left to go until my due date now down to single figures, I've found myself reflecting on the last seven months of my pregnancy.

I think it can be mostly summed up in three words: anxiety, rhinitis and natural.

I have no idea whether I would still have been this anxious had I not had the two miscarriages last year - but I'm sure they're at the root of it. I only seem to go a few days feeling 100% relaxed and positive about everything. Often there's still a nagging worry in the back of my mind that things can still go wrong at any time. It's obviously worse on days like the last few when the Little Monkey is very inactive. Nothing beats the reassurance of contant kicks, squirms and hiccups. I have never complained on the rare nights that he/she has kept me awake or woken me up - to me it's the best feeling knowing he/she's merrily playing away in there...

I've now had the pregnancy rhinitis for four months - but it's much, much milder than at the beginning. I still have a phlegmy cough most mornings, but not blowing my nose nearly so much or nearly so congested. If this is the worst side-effect that I end up with then I count myself very, very lucky.

Which brings me on to how natural the whole pregnancy to date has felt. I know I still have two months to go, so I'm at risk of tempting fate, but the biggest surprise to me has been how it's been almost exactly how I imagined it to be - certainly in terms of how my ever expanding bump feels as part of my body. If I'm completely honest (and again, may be tempting fate) I expected to be a lot more achey and tired at this stage - I'm really surprised at how - so far - I've managed to avoid hardly any backache. I feel really well, still got energy, don't feel too huge at all, and know I'm lucky to be having it so 'easy'.

I'll read that last paragraph back in another few weeks and curse myself for writing it I'm sure - but by then I'll be off work, so that will be one less thing to worry about.

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (WEEKS 30 & 31)

I've had a couple of really quiet days movement-wise which has really freaked me out. Got quite wound up yesterday, but as soon as I got home to DP (who'd been abroad for a few days with work), the Little Monster seemed to spring into action. Perhaps he/she was just missing Daddy's voice! Anyway - today's been a bit more active, and I have read that as there's less room in there I'm likely to feel fewer kicks. I just find it so un-nerving.

I've read articles, blogs and forums on a number of different websites, but I've found the Pampers one especially good for what to expect week to week, tips etc. A lot of the 'chat' on the likes of Mumsnet and iVillage can make me paranoid and worry about things for no reason. As every pregnancy and baby is totally different, it's not healthy to read so many scary stories, so I'm trying not to do it so much. Although it is nice to read the heart-warming stories of which there are lots, and find people with the same concerns/experiences as you.

Before the last few days we'd had a couple of really productive weeks. My 30 week ante-natal check-up and first Anti-D injection went really well. Had the best experience we've had so far at the hospital - no lengthy waiting time, really friendly and helpful midwife (third different one, mind), and everything seems well on track. The sun was shining, and I even got a rare parking space right outside work - it was a good day!!

The next day was my 34th birthday - and as a present I got a 'nipple-ectomy'! I may have mentioned before about a skin flap on my left nipple that has grown since my breasts have got bigger during my pregnancy. I was already concerned how that would affect my attempt at breastfeeding, but in the couple of days before my appointment at the breast clinic it started bleeding and looking a bit grim. Anyway - after a thorough examination of both breasts, the doctor simply sliced it off there and then, which is exactly what I was hoping for. Two days later when the dressing came off, I couldn't even see where it had once been - incredible!

One of my best presents - from DP - was a picture we'd seen in a little cafe when we were on our holiday in Scotland back in February. We both thought it would be perfect for the nursery,  though at the time we weren't really planning on a 'proper' nursery, and we were still holding back on buying stuff for the Little Monkey. But several weeks on I had thought it would have been really nice - a momento of a special holiday and unique original piece of art for the nursery. So he'd rung up and bought 'Fergus McTed and wee Scotty' from the cafe:

Had a lovely birthday weekend - a good Friday night out with friends, and then on the Saturday the grandparents-to-be (my parents) came up. As if their very generous birthday presents weren't enough - we then blitzed Mothercare. Although DP and me already knew precisely what we wanted - having made several fact-finding and window shopping expeditions - it still felt rather stressful. At one point, we had two shop assistants 'suggesting' what was best, but frankly confusing me even further, and I just had to walk away. Even had a few hormonal tears.

But once we put our collective foot down as to what we wanted, and just dealt with one sales manager, we managed to make quite a lot of headway. We've stuck all the big stuff (nursery furniture, travel system, car seat and base) on their BabyPlan - most of which has very kindly been paid for by both sets of GPs-to-be. We may be borrowing a car seat from my best friend, so that might come off the order. The furniture and pram aren't being delivered until the middle of May, but we did take a moses basket, rocking MB stand and stacks of bedding home with us.

 

So bit by bit we're starting to get there with the nursery and essentials. Still lots of odds and sods (bottles and steriliser, clothes, muslins, bath etc) to get - but I'll need to do some shopping on my maternity leave!

My Mum and Dad were very helpful and generous - and still really, really excited - but I still sometimes feel that over-excitement a bit overwhelming and have to step back from it for a bit. I guess there's a little part of me still worried things can go wrong, and I could end up disappointing a lot of people. I know that's not the most rational of thoughts, and I am excited - but just more privately, inside myself and find it difficult to share fully with anyone other than DP.

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (WEEK 28)

It definitely feels like we're starting on a bit of a countdown now... into the third trimester, so hopefully still 12 weeks to go. Only FIVE weeks until I finish work, which at the moment is one of my main focuses. I know I'll have plenty to keep me occupied after I finish work, plus I will most certainly be taking up all my friends' advice to rest as much as possible in the last few weeks.

Making some headway with clearing out the flat to make room for the Little Monkey. 'New' doors that have been cluttering up the spare room for two and a half years are finally up, and got rid of bits and bobs that were frankly just collecting dust and more clutter. Won't be buying and putting up the baby's furniture for at least another month, but at least there's starting to be a bit of room for it to go.

Was up at DP's parents last weekend. All was fine - no pressure from them at all. Think they were just pleased to see me looking well and finally looking 'properly' pg. I think DP's Mum really wanted to feel the bump - but she didn't ask, and - more importantly - she didn't just kop a feel. I would have let her if she asked - and I hope she didn't feel she couldn't, because I know it's important to keep her as involved as my own Mum (not that she's touched the bump either - I think they might both know me well enough!).

DP's gran also treated me to seeing some phots of DP when he was a baby/toddler. If he/she takes after his/her Dad - we're in for a big, chubby, curly-haired budda! But that's absolutely fine by me.

I've been thinking that perhaps the enormity of what's about to hit us really hasn't sunk in yet. As far as my body's concerned - Yes, I'm obviously pregnant, but to me much of it just feels like random bodily functions - like my intestines shifting, or a lot of food digesting. That might sound odd - but I'm still not quite equating the kicks, punches and squirms to an ACTUAL BABY!

DP remains as excited and pro-active about the impending arrival as ever - probably more so. That helps me more than anything. He makes me feel like together we can deal with anything. He's definitely assessing his own mortality though - doctors, dentists and opticians for him this week - and, ooops, he's going to finally have to wear glasses. From experience, I know that will provide hours of entertainment for the Little Monkey - taking them off Daddy's face over and over again!

PREGNANCY - MONTH SEVEN (WEEK 27)

I've been trying to put into words to DP exactly what the movements of our Little Monkey feel like. It's all very well occasionally feeling the odd kick from outside - but I'd love for him to have more of an idea of the all sorts of different sensations going on inside my body. One woman on another forum described some of the movements as being like holding a moving frog in your hands - and that's a really good description.
The thing is, there are so many different types of movement that I'm feeling. Sometimes it's an obvious fullblown kick, but not very often. More commonly I guess I'd describe it as 'squirming'. And then there's like different sized bubbles  popping, varying degrees of pressure against my insides, flickers up inside my ribs, tightening, rumbling, etc. I also can't quite differentiate between all the different movements - what's a kick, punch, hiccup, turning over, stretch...? The main thing is that, at the moment, no more than a few hours go past without feeling something - which I'm very thankful for. 

At this stage (and friends keep telling me this will change in the next month or so) I still really enjoy and look forward to feeling the little monkey - even when I'm trying to drop off to sleep. It reassures me that he/she's OK in there  and hopefully happy. He/she's never really woken me in the night with his/her movements - I'm woken more frequently when I try to turn over which takes more and more effort. Although last night, for the first time in a long time, I slept right through (albeit only 5 hours as I work crazy shifts). I'm sure it was no coincidence that I put a pillow under my ever expanding bump for the first time, so maybe that made me more comfortable and stopped the need to roll over.

We went on another fact-finding/shopping expedition last weekend - and it was far more successful than previously. While we didn't actually buy anything, we've got a far better idea of what we will be buying - by way of furniture, Moses basket , bath stuff etc.  And I think we've decided on our pram/transport system.... the Bugaboo Bee. We've looked at and researched loads - until our heads have been ready to explode - and typically this was the first one we ever really looked at! It is expensive, but living in a pokey flat in the city - on and off public transport and in and out of the car - it just ticks so many of our boxes, being small and light.

I thought I really wanted a carry cot with our transport system, but given the limited space in our flat - a cot, moses basket and car seat (which I think we're inheriting from my best friend, a  Maxi-Cosi CabrioFix) will be more than enough - and when we visit grandparents they'll have sorted their own sleeping arrangements for the Little Monkey.

Visiting DP's family this weekend, who we haven't seen since Christmas. Actually really looking forward to it - and I think they'll notice a BIG change in the size of my bump, which was virtually non-existent three months ago. I think I'll revel in being pampered for change, instead of offering to help out...